In these economic times, linking arms taking tequilla shots with your boss as an underage girl is the best job security I can think of
I saved $70 from being to drunk to go out last night so I figured I could buy a new watch.
I wouldnt consider it a good Wednesday if there wasn't any projectile vomit involved
dude wearing that thong all day was not worth the 7 bucks
Turns out, his fucking is as lame and staggered as his NFL career.
Just cause I'm shitfaced wasted every night waking up in random beds all over Manhattan does not mean I'm a mess.
Truth. Respect the hustle.
she was literally 3 feet away from the garbage can, said she couldn't make it, and then proceeded to vomit on the floor in front of everyone in the restaurant
Of course I will... FYI I just gave my balls a crew cut.
I took so my adderall all I can do is lie on my floor and stare too hard at my hedgehog. He has 42 spines in the dark spot on his shoulder btw.
It all went downhill when I figured out I could launch myself into people with my crutches
yea but i missed the pot and poured the boiling water on my dick. shit hurts. aint nothin easy about that mac
Do exhausted, barely concealed hand jobs count as joining the mile high club?
This week I fucked a police officer and called both the Senators from the state I'm in and the one I'm moving to. What have you done since the election?
Steven and I talked about running for office again today. It's fucked that my 3 dream jobs are marijuana bakery owner, bar owner, and president.
Fuck this pandemic. She grabbed the hand sanitizer instead of the hand lotion while giving me a hand job and now my dick is burning and scrotum are on fire
A hand job? Are you 12?
Randomize