Just asked what her favorite part of a guys body is. She said ballsack. I'm in love.
Yeah, but I'm out of licorice and there's no way anywhere near here will rent us all mopeds on a Tuesday night.
Do you think we're allowed to sign male strippers into the building with a valid id?
Those foam number one hands, are the BEST socks.
In fact, not a good idea to go into any house alone after a man invites you in from his balcony.
Best part? I know that the likelyhood of this turning into an intimate relationship is like 4.25%
As I am reading this. I'm standing in my underwear eating taquitos. I'm saying this in the most loving way possible: FUCK OFF.
By the way if you come home and I'm not wearing pants, just go with it. I didn't have the energy to go searching for some.
He offered to teach me how hula hoop in exchange for acid. I took him up on it.
Haha sweet. I'm being the Mad Hatter. I'll be drinking out of a tea cup all night. Or at least until I inevitably lose it, break it, or use it as a weapon.
Bro you fell face first into the sand and then balled up into the fetal position and yelled help untill I picked you up, no more whiskey for you...
Question for you. Do you want to go out somewhere or do you want to have sloppy joes at my house? That's not a euphemism for anything; I actually have stuff to make sloppy joes
hey at least you are getting hit on, i spent all day researching cat sedatives
I'm bathroom at buffalo wild wings
I think incapable of making pants work send help
I feel you. I woke up butt naked on top of my sheets with a plate of cheese next to my bed...
Randomize
