i celebrated the independence of our country by dry heaving tequila all morning. so classy. happy 4th.
i'm officially boycotting relationships. hello random hook ups and treating men like meat.
I just realized that i have never seen about 30 percent of my friends sober before
the first call I got in the morning was from visa fraud prevention so yeah it was one of those nights
I got drunk and smashed his tv with the keg and so he blames me for being evicted.
Also, I'm sewing my entire Halloween costume by hand. I better get laid at every single party I go to.
I don't remember. I think I elluded to the fact that I would buy him a dildo for his birthday.
I wore a firefighters hat and drank beer all night. They had to drive me home after breaking the beer pong table, they told me I was welcome back tonight though...
The ratio of last drink to last smoke is so tricky. This could go on until the booze is gone
i dont remember how or why, but i now have 3 coupons for a free BJ from Anise stapled to my right arm.
My booty call just moved 2 min from my house
This has pregnancy written all over it
I'll be in SoCal at my bachelorette party, aka embracing a fireman covered in KY and chocolate shavings.
I just walked by a dude at the gym covering himself in olive oil.
Well drunk me was looking out for sober me again, hid the beer and bought another case for me
My eye was non-stop itchy for like an hour... I thought burying my face in your ass caught up with me
Randomize
