just saw a DUI checkpoint outside of a taco bell...i feel like thats cheating...
Contrary to what peaches says, you can't fuck the pain away. Full story later. Have a good morning, buddy.
It was her 21st and she had one drink and fell asleep. I hate 90lb girls.
you asked "if this appropriate to take the the bathroom?" while holding up a bottle of vodka when you went to pee.
Stop. He threw up in front of Madison Square Garden security. Spit at the guys feet and grunted ughhh at him.
I had to drink heavily last night because I needed to forget that you told me you want to blow my dad.
I'm mentally preparing my vagina for this semester. It's fucking welcome week. I'm going to be talking to her all night.
"Bring the kids" is the most terrifying 3 words I've ever heard in my life.
Nah, just ran around, pinned random men to walls, bit their lips of and booked it.
All I know is you walked out of the kitchen in some kind of French onion dip bra and started passing out individual chips to guys saying " do you dip?"
Literally just had a girl put her street name into my phone. Yeah.
And now to play every stoner's favorite game: Where the Fuck Did We Park the Car?! Disneyland Edition!
I can't believe you won 5 grand from the casio last night and spent more than 80% on tacobell and strippers already
His junk had piercings everywhere. The dick and balls. It was a fucking pirate penis.
It's like every time I'm baked I discover my fingers all over again.
Randomize
