I want to bang chis in dee ass burt he be hating on me times two. Me be tryin ti love onu
Bendover
I said I wanted my dignity back. He brought my thong to me after sharpie-ing "dignity" on the front. I'm not sure if I should me mad or impressed.
Why am I drunk on a roof painting at 11 in the morning
I just scratched behind my ear and found icing. Fuck you.
He just ordered a bottle of Beam at an Italian place for us to share.
No, I left myself a half eaten cucumber and a beer next to my head, pointed at it and said 'you're breakfast' and then passed out.
"Functional." Your standards for how you feel after drinking are so high.
When your night starts by chugging margarita and drinking vodka out of tupperware, I feel it's best to stay realistic.
We need a bunch of roses, some chocolate, 2 cops, a mariachi band, and a thermometer
I'm supposed to be maturing, but no instead I'll be shitting my pants in Delaware for my 30th.
Hahahaha nah you won't shit your pants - but you will fully try mushrooms.
Only three months past my 21st and I'm done. So many life lessons in so little time.
Guess who's the proud owner of her very own foxtail butt plug!!
i just told him to get ready, because I'm going to be taking out my anger over the Super Bowl out on his penis.
I started my period on international women's day. It's like the world is congratulating me and punishing me for being a woman at the same time
I will teach you the ways of the ho life, my little gay grasshopper.
Getting on a bus with a beer pong table. I am proof we can make this campus fun.
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