Do ugly people know they are ugly?
The quiet ones do.
I want to get laid tonight but my sheets haven't been washed since vomiting in them on Halloween :(
i feel like arbor mist is too classy for that. you need a colt 45
Yeah you're right. The one time when arbor mist is too classy
oh don't forget that when we go furniture shopping we have to find a matching bong so put more money in the furniture fund
This is the last pregnancy scare i've had since i was 12 and i thought you could get pregnant from masturbating.
This is me reassuring you that I'm still alive and making sure you still are.
no more duck duck goose at the bar
Also, that dude projectile vomiting all over the living room was the perfect distraction for me to swipe the booze and run.
There should be an app that tazers me in my pocket when I'm spending too much money at the bar. Take a hint, Android Network. You slut.
I'm a drunk white girl and my ancestors were drunk white girls, if we apologized our species would be extinct.
Bring me that man meat
I had to carry him up the hill while he was wearing nothing but knee high socks and a blue glitter sequin leotard.
Why is this not a picture message?
Oh god...Did I just fuck a sugar granddaddy?!
Do you knowhow much it sucks to puke in an automatic toilet? Not fun.
Ew.
It takes talent let's just say that
I woke up wearing mittens dude
I woke up in my bathtub with the potted plant from downstairs.
checkmate.
Randomize
