did you hook up austin?
No! he threw up in my bathroom, made me wake up and order him jimmy johns, beat my roommate with a macaroni and cheese box, and then passed out with her in her bed
New word for getting laid so we don't sound like whores in public when we are talking about it : stamp the passport
Dude feel your hair right now it feels so weird like pasta
He wouldn't let me leave his house until he made me orgasm once for every year I've been alive. The birthday sex song did not prepare me for this.
Also there's a home game tomorrow and I thought about holding up a sign that says, "I madeout with #64 during orientation week" would that be inappropriate??
You know you're hung over when the glare from the cream cheese on your bagel is just too bright...
Sloppy and selfish. Your 27 and you don't know where my clit is? BYEEE
Just remembered when I first started going down on him he goes "ok now I feel a little better about the broncos losing"
Settled one third of the tab. Am going back for sex. Love you, make friends
I love 3rd shift and working at a hotel I just had a late night booty call while I was getting paid..could life get any better??
I really don't want to get drunk alone tonight. Like, I'll do it, but I won't enjoy it.
How the fuck do you get a noise complaint filed against you at 9:30am on a fucking Tuesday?
I need to stop acting like a porn star that isn't getting paid
I think it might be the guy sitting next to me. I've concluded he HAS to be smuggling insane amounts of onions in his wardrobe to smell like that
FYI - Don’t go in the downstairs bathroom. Ryan is passed out naked on the floor with a raging hard on.
Randomize