I just caught my mom fingering herself in the bathroom...Im moving out.
I just did the classiest thing ever.
last time you said that you got chlamydia.
I think i just got paid for sex with a hot pocket... and i accepted
this whole healthcare thing got me thinking.. without knowing it my parents are now going to be paying for my dealer to be able to live..
you think she would figure it out that ever dude that fucks her is just doing it bc they are in a contest to bang the fattest girl
I can't even use my hands i'm so hungover
She is putting glow sticks from her bedroom to the bathroom. She is calling it 'Being prepared'. God help us all tonight...
I'm sorry. I know you didn't expect me to be arm deep in vagina when you walked through the door.
I opened my eyes this morning, looked at the sunlight and made this hangover my bitch.
He had "Bad Bitches Only" tattooed above his dick. I don't know his name but I hope I find him again. I also don't feel that I lived up to the challenge.
We're only going to be this young and this cute but for so long. And how often is it that a pack of Albanian law students is in your house?!
I'll call it a tollerance break and either will be celebrating my new job with a bowl or will be smoking my sadness away from not getting the job. Either way.
I'm pretty sure he's playing the harmonica in my shower right now. I just really need to pee.
Bank just called....we left my debit card in the ATM last night.
Just stopped at a cross walk because the light turned red 3 streets down. I'm way too high.
Randomize
