I sk at the spereo and my dad gave me and all access pass
what???
AN ALL ACCESS PASSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSS
tequila makes my crab dance SOOOO much better
You said you were collecting Asians for your Kate Gosselin costume.
The police are arresting two women who got in a fight for the last Twilight DVD at Best Buy. Classic.
First day at work... I clogged up the office toilet on purpose to assert my dominance.
Sucks about the cops last night
to be honest when I first looked up I wanted to know who was coming from a costume party..
Seriously. He was just sitting there naked in the dark with a boner pissed that I came home late.
dude there is absolutely no room for a slide in our room
Strip clubs it is bday boy. One condition. I am in full custody of your ID. I plan on being in no condition to coordinate rescue operations and we need to keep casualties to a minimum. You cannot be trusted.
Alright goddamnit. Can I bring my pirate hat?
I insist.
Hooked up with a girl in the dorm laundry room tonight. And got invited to go to Vegas for free. That's how today's going.
Ran out of eye drops right after putting them in one eye. Half baked at work.
Being a fine ass woman in a world full of fuckboys is the realest struggle I've ever known.
Ok maybe now I get why I'm single I think I just broke a rib pooping
I'm in the fetal position trying to figure out a way to get someone to deliver me pancakes.
I'm going to get him a gold star sticker and put it on his dick
Randomize
