If she sucks any more cock I swear she will be a spermivore
so i was just informed that i sang that song "pop that pussy ayyy pop that pussy" at the halloween party saturday. iembarrassing.
she read insantiy as in-nast-tit-ty and asked what the hell does that mean...
like the penis drawn on my face is so detailed and well done, i'm not even upset about it.
I hope you dream of an avalanche of penises
On a Thurs night I found myself drunk in a limo w 9 dudes on my way to a strip club. Once there I was handed $100 in ones and told "spend it." I need a husband. Or Jesus.
Banged my ex-wife last night...so I belong to that club now.
I'm pretty sure the Jahovah's witness only came to our door because the front says "Twerk Or Treat"
Today is National Blunt Day in the Great State of Me. Come ovah
Yeah, I'm just gonna try to repress that and remember him for his big dick and perfect jawline.
Uhh I just had to break up with a guy who I didn't even know I was dating...
I would not recommend douching while drunk.
Still can’t get over the fact that we ate beef jerky off a strip club floor
If I look at him, he starts sobbing. Please come get him; he's scaring the cats.
Walked off the dance floor to find Gabe hitting on a dad bod at the bar. It was my Dad. Awkward is an understatement.
Randomize
