you were crying and the really sympathetic homeless man offered you a sip of his whiskey. who was i to stop you?
i told her my name was noah and she leans in and whispers "that makes me so wet." ive never been more thankful for the Notebook
no where in the syllabus does it say "no alcoholic beverages allowed".
I'm still not walking right. We need some boundaries for "drink-or-dare"...
He's almost as awesome as vicodin.
Can i tell him you said that? Cuz i know that means a lot coming from you
Recently successful and happy relationships are at an all time high now that you are no longer fucking so many peoples girlfriends. You alone have changed the mating patterns in the lower half of our county.
You need to stop relating my life to your schoolwork. But tell my girlfriend that she'd be proud.
My stomach literally has no contents left. Tequila cleanse=success.
Front seat of an Escalade in a limo-service parking lot. That is all.
Is the party worth it?
I am drink. Beer pony and singing.
I hooked up with Spider-Man on the hood of Santas car. I kept saying that he could shoot his web at me. Also I found Waldo. Overall good night.
painting my nails while super high-drunk. Ended up painting my entire hands. Both.
My fridge is empty and all of my food is in the bathtub. Just.. Why?
So i stood up out of the sunroof while he gave me oral. Car was still moving. Exactly how illegal is that?
Today I learned that when you lick a mans butthole, you get wined and dined at a nice french restaurant.
My roommate made maccoroni last nigh dropped the bowl off the counter knocking it into the dog bowl he picked up the dog bowl and started eating it claiming it was te worst Mac and cheese ever and if he wasnt so high he would stop eating it hahahaha
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