wow, farting in latex pants is really awkward.
There's a woman at Starbucks that keeps pushing her stroller into me.
Punch her baby.
i think i got so emotional from a mix of getting my period and slapping the bag like five times
we need to find that guy that whips out his cock at the bar again
Worst hangover of my career vs the return of the blue balls. Will keep updated
She tried to lure me back to her house by saying she had "real" pizza.
Based on the pics I have taken of hookups while they were passed out or sleeping, I have scientifically concluded that no two vagina lips are the same. They are like snowflakes.
I'm currently day drinking, studying and making corn. Don't tell me what I can't do.
I feel like I have heartburn in my nipples.
Court can wait. right now you and your magic penis need to be here satisfying me.
I got a blowjob dressed with a t shirt sweatpants and a Fanny pack. Not kidding.
Hey do you have any hot friends that would settle for less?
Drunk enough that you donated $50 to taco bell, because they serve a great purpose.
We made out and he didn't grope me. I liked it. I felt like I was innocent again.
You can't just say you're dying of terminal cancer everytime they try to card you
Randomize
