your life is more of a joke than dina lohan.
if you\'re going to compare me please pick the classy one. Michael Lohan.
You can bone my sister, but I will end our friendship if you write 'LOLERS' one more time at the end of your texts.
I just woke up under a kitchen table with my sandals taped to my feet and a corona bottle taped to my hand..
The album was titled "Best Night Ever" until she found out she was preggers and switched it to "God Punishes Sluts"
And it just wouldn't be a Thursday night without me having to cuss out a foreigner. The streak continues.
I AM THE KING OF THE FRESHMEN
how did i know this would happen?
he said i balance and complete him. i feel sick
we're going to the olympic park to run the 100m yeaaaahhh
it's 3am. Nothing could possibly go wrong here.
Dude, nobody just eats a banana these days. This chick wanted it. She wanted to get down with Charlie Brown.
There was an unopened condom by my car when I went to pick it up this morning. Someone may have fucked on the hood of my car last night. Don't think it was me but I can't rule it out 100%.
I better not get a vid of you penile helicoptering
Sex is always the answer.
Especially if the question is: what have I not had this year?
Ok fine, yes she's pregnant. But you're ignoring the most important part. HER BOOBS GOT BIGGER. That doesn't happen every day, and I owe it to myself to enjoy those boobs before the belly catches up to them!
PICK ME UP NOW I THINK THIS MOTEL IS A CRIME SCENE. also congrats on your engagement i saw the post on my phone while i was climbing out the window
He’s basically a sexual superhero. A mild mannered marketing intern by day, but a very horny 22 year old with pornstar stamina at nights!
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