I didn't know that people actually queef. Is this a real thing?
I believe so, yes.
Would you be offended if I asked if it has happened to you?
that's the ideal party shoe. cute, but i can still puke in them.
I wanna dance tonight. i just wanna grind my ass in some man's dick.
you scanned your fake to get into the dorm last night and when the lady told you it was the wrong card you looked at her and said this is who i am thursday night
Pregaming for shuffle board at 10 AM. I love spring break.
The guy in the library beside me just whipped out an entire loaf of bread, a knife and a container of peanut butter and is proceeding to make multiple sandwiches.
An attempt at squeezing a tomato to make a bloody mary just says desperation all over it....
Sadness tears and throw up everywhere
Just come get me. Somewhere there's hobo that's going to want his dumpster back, and I kinda want to be gone when he discovers the vomit.
That's the only way to get approved without a guarantor.
WHAT DOES THAT MEAN WHAT FUCKING LANGUAGE ARE YOU SPEAKING
Someone I just met told me they were going to name their kid after me. Daylight savings is weird.
We sexted for four hours straight. Is this really what my life has come to?
my personal favorite... An "I'm sorry you broke your finger and cant play sports for awhile" blowjob!
i just turned on my printer and found 10 pounds of german chocolate inside. i think i found where you hid your candy last night
That's true. Ask me when I'm not fucked up. Nvm hold on. Btw. Wikipedia dinosaur. It's fascinating
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