I won a flip cup tournbment! Why is boot and rally so hard when youre old?
i'm signing you up for texting rehab
miscarriage! now THATS a gift from god.
I should take him calling me "a freak of nature" after sex as a compliment, right??
it was like getting a handjob from robocop
is it possible that there's a used condom holding pennies in my bra? I'm so confused on what happened last night...
Yes and yes. Got taken to a Florida strip club. I desperately want to flood my eyes and ears with hand sanitizer right now.
Drunk life lesson just learned the hard way: do not try to play hump the great dane. He may take you up on it.
after the fucking you spent twenty minutes vomiting naked and shaking your dick at my roommates. luckily, i don't remember that, or i'd have to be really insulted.
Dougie got over his pride nerves. Found him dancing on a float wearing nothing but rainbow boxers.
You really need to not quote Anchorman while I'm giving you a serious blowjob.
I havent moved from the couch and I'm licking peanut butter from a spoon, I'm a beautiful person.
Tell me I'm drunk and you have to come get me. It's usually true. They'll believe you.
Sexual side note: sushi and cum do not mix well. That is all.
I was peer pressured into smoking weed by a bunch of LGBTQ teenagers
Randomize
