I came back to the apartment and he was waiting for me, covered in mustard.
needless to say I left
look, i may have sacrified a 20% assignment for a sprite. this is what hangovers do to me.
She bet her virginity on the Celtics. Looks like Kobe wont be the only one breaking in a new ring.
Holy shit. Do you realize what this means? Officially all of my ex-bfs are either dead or gay
Romer got arrested for getting in a bar fight with a bus boy because he was trying to steal a keg, had it all the way to the car
we can't get the sharpie off the toilet seat from where you pressed your forearm with THUG LIFE written on it while you puked until 3 last night
i was completely deserted.. so i stood outside starbucks for 20 minutes trying to convince the employees to open early and take care of me.. fuck you guys
Pretend you're in a taco. That always helps me sleep.
Haha ohman remember when I peed in your blender? Gotta love college.
YOU DID WHAT???
At this point it's more of an experiment to see how much actual bush growth is possible. See, being single can be both educational and surprisingly comfy!
Dilemma. I'm out of wine and I can't put on clothes to go to the liquor store bc I just got spray tanned. If this isnt white girl problems I don't know what is.
You said "I feel like a koala bear. Do you ever just feel like a koala bear?" This is your brain on drugs.
Its like people have to train for months before they try and drink with us and survive...
If you wanna fuck the pudding, fuck the pudding. Just not the chocolate, Im gonna eat that.
They picked up the lamp, held it aloft, and proclaimed apropos of nothing “this is going right up my ass”. LOUDLY
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