How did you manage that?
Told her it wasn't GENITAL herpes... just ORAL herpes... on my penis
lol... jersey girls rock
We found him pissing on the sidewalk in his socks signing the national anthem. I love you summer.
Tequila bombs in champagne seemed like a good idea at the time.
Remember when we made you finish your beer after you puked into your glass?
i hate being the asshole.
I THREW AWAY MY VIBRATOR BECAUSE IT INTIMIDATED HIM. WORST. DECISION. EVER
Well she started to strip and when she slung her hair at me, she painted my face with sweat. A LOT OF SWEAT. It was a weird boner.
Do you ever just feel like you can feel hormones radiating from your uterus?
the guy next to you kind of looks like a penguin. i'm going to fuck him
I just smoked part of an Oreo cuz I thought it was some hash you left
looked it up online and zoo tickets are only 20 bucks and there's also a museum of science close to the hotel.
i'm not going to a FUCKING museum. i want to be wasted and possibly double penetrated... have you EVER been on vacation?
Just looked at my bank statement. 9 out of 10 transactions on the first page were from 9 different bars. The 10th was for birth control pills at the pharmacy. I need to rethink my lifestyle.
I wonder if the sex shop has any Black Friday deals.
I am watching the most amazing drunk person ever. Literally such a trooper that you can put anything in front of him he'll drink it. His latest reason for taking another shot was: well whatever. I'm never gonna get married anyway.
You've been inside me, dude. There's no such thing as TMI.
What do you mean relationship? He paid for my tires and I gave him a blow job.
Randomize
