im learning from these one night stands last time i came in her this time i came on her AND deleted every contact in her phone!
I feel like every car around me knows I'm driving in my snuggie
Does he know anything about your personal life besides what you look like without clothes on?
better to have posed nude and lost than to never have posed nude at all...thats what i always say
I think it might be brain cancer. Hangovers can't be this bad
You've eaten a Lean Pocket for every meal for at LEAST 3 days now. Get your life in line.
Getting cock-blocked by Jeff Bridges. NOT OKAY.
I traded the garbage men the rest of my handle for a ride home. Best. Walk. Of. Shame. Ever.
I'm not sending you pictures to jack off to. That's not what friends do
Having a man strip on demand was an awesome way to start birthday. What more could a girl ask for? U the best!
Cooked breakfast with his mom this morning...I'm like the housewife of one night stands
Who put the fucking tampon in my Mike's hard lemonade?
I feel sorry for the person who's phone number is 704-1776 cause from now on I'm giving that number to every guy I never wanna talk to again. Happy Independence Day
He asked if I had any questions. Apparently, "how thick is the stick up your ass" was not a correct question.
he was wearing a pyjama shirt under a dress shirt under a hoodie under a robe under a rain poncho the man was prepared for anything
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