I think my penis got bigger when i lost weight
I just opened up the mens room door to a dude pissing in the urinal and pointing at himself in the mirror
I've hooked up with 3 different guys already this week...don't tell me I haven't been a productive member of society
I just found cold cuts in the blender. You and beefeater can no longer have unsupervised parties.
party gras won. party gras always wins.
He tried to use a signal flare to light the bong
And?
He melted the stem
I got us chalkboard mugs. Now whoever comes home with us can feel comfortable in the morning! I am too considerate to my one-night stands...
I love getting kicked out of places. Its like winning a little league game
Holy fuck where did this cat tattoo on my ass come from
There's a kid in the back of the class drinking out of a flask. Like what is going on?
NOW HE'S DRINKING OUT OF A HANDLE. WHO IS THIS KID?
I rewarded myself with Taco Bell tonight for going a full week without punching my roommates in the face or wishing bodily harm on them.
Is this because I accidentally peed on you?
so in 24 hours i have gotten caught having sex in my car by a cop, almost burnt off my vag, almost got hit by a semi, and got fired. awesome.
I love you man I just want to hold you and fuck you until you only know my name
I don't know who you are but HOW THE FUCK DID YOU GET MY NUMBER
I’m photoshopping my boobs to up my Tinder game. I need better dick in 2020
Randomize