Next time we go to the river, we nominate you to flash people for free booze. Your tits are the biggest.
If I have to go to the hospital can we stop by the liquor store on the way?
He had the smallest penis i'd ever seen. I can see why he drinks his life away.
I never thought I would say the free bottle of grey goose was the problem but it was
Post-sex chicken soup was such a good idea. It's been like an hour and I'm still applauding myself
As long as he sees me topless I don't care. Redemption. REEEDDDEMMMPPPTTIIIOOONNNNN
My brother just asked if I would keep having one nighters with that guy because he really likes the organic cotton v-necks he leaves behind.
we are blowing up condoms and making balloons and we’re drunk on the floor. You could have come to school here
That would be a mascot riding an ATV at a semi-professional hockey game, if that doesn't sum up how I've been I don't know what could
God it's like my stomach is full of drunk bees
I just fell out of my doorway to go to class so if that doesn't describe how my night went idk what will
Im showing up stoned and in sweatpants. Because that is where im at in life right now. Sorry not sorry.
I got my gum stuck on his balls.
She woke up with her hand super glued to the fridge....how the hell am I Supposed to get her off??
Drunk me bought a cell phone last week and began texting sober me. The conversation between the two is still on going.
Randomize
