I told him he can't put it there till we're exclusive. That's totally The Relationship Hole.
doooooooo herrrrrrrrr
I'm out of practice. be my yoda
put your penis in her you must.
you were making out, puked over his shoulder and insisted everything was okay
So I'm probably the first guy in history to tap out of a blowjob.
I had to close one eye to read the questions on my final this morning. That hungover.
No idea how he made them, but vodka water balloons were a horrible idea.
I forgot if I was chewing my gum or my tongue
you guys just sat there and simultaneously smoked bowls staring at each other... it was like a bowl off or something.
He just snapchatted me a picture of his cock. The angle makes it look like a freakin skyscraper. Thinking of photoshopping a little monkey on it.
Did you put candle wax on my balls last night?
Woke up with champagne in my hair and honey mustard on my hands. Strangely, I'm okau with this
I was gonna jerk off, but then I thought about that movie last night and it killed that idea. I have serious boner trauma.
He took some pill and now he's on all fours demanding we give him chips from the dog bowl. Come get him.
I almost rear ended this hot guy driving a Porsche Cayenne just so I could get his phone number
you are singlehandedly the most cursed object the universe ever conceived
Randomize
