Actually, all he talks about is how great the sex is with her and how crappy you were at it. Stop being a bitch and gossiping masking it as self-righteousness.
WHAT IS WRONG WITH SOCIETY?!?!?!
... says the kid who took a shit in my parents dishwasher...
Theres a picture of me with cut up clothes rolling in the policeman's lawn, I missed you, summer.
It would have been the trifecta of dick for her.
I love that your nipples always taste like clean laundry.
I had to keep telling myself 'you can't be mad at him because you peed on him'
Note to self, stop going out with self absorbed bisexuals
Stop making Mac and cheese and sit on his face. FINISH HIM
Opening beer with my teeth is getting easier the drunker I become.
It turns out my teeth are bleeding.
after giving head I just always feel like I need like. ice cream. as both a means of getting the lingering sperm out of my mouth, and a congratulations.
Speaking of mom and dad and Halloween... Mom bought a size small slutty nurse outfit last night. So yeah, they're getting hammered
I don't need to marry the guy. I just need some filthy, shameful wish fulfillment sex and then live out the rest of my life on the bean farm.
Ur dad just showed me a tit pic he got omf
This is an alert from the drunk police: you have reached the point of no return. Text messages past this point are illegible.
Can you pay somone's bail with a credit card or just cash? I feel like you would know this.
Randomize
