is it odd that your cat looks tougher than you?
my computer doesn't work...
why?
i puked on it last night
It's noon and i am somehow drinking by myself in a jazz tent in broad daylight.
If there is a god, you will have pink eye tomorrow.
I wish a box of wine came w a hose. It'd be so much easier to drink from.
He just kept repeating "not with an octopus" over and over for hours. Soooooo Porn Dare was a succes.
I say this as a friend, you would make a SPECTACULAR crossdresser
we got stoned then he started showing me how to make his penis look like a hamburger...if that's not true love idk what love is
Like I owe him sex. Hell fucking no. I owe myself sex. With a celebrity. Or a clean pornstar. Who knows.
Screaming "dámelo" at the bottle of scotch was definitely my best and worst moment of Cinco de Mayo 2015.
He was watching porn and riding a stationary bike in the living room
The stripper started talking about murdering people....that lapdance turned dark.....
you walked into the party, and all you had on was your left sock... literally.
Nows a good time to tell him. Just be like "yeah, I used to bang her too and it didn't work out for us either". He'll understand.
sometimes u just gotta ride a dildo and forget about life
Randomize
