We are brilliant. We call it the pint walk. Killing a pint of vodka while we walk from cleveland park to dupont. just making mama proud
once we finished he held up the condom and asked if i wanted to keep it as a souvenir.
oh and he was serious.
Desperate + desperate does not equal a fun night.
I woke up with my 26er down my pants and a peice of paper stuck to my forehead with gum that said "tell it to the greek goddess beside me"
just woke up in the hotel with gummi bears all around me and someone took the tv
we took the tv and as for the gummi bears don't eat them you put em in her vagina
He called me from prison intake to wish me luck on my job interview. Somehow that's the most romantic thing that's ever happened to me.
At my wifes high school reunion. Found out her nickname was 'Back Door Brooke'. EVERYONE is calling her that.
just found out they live across the street from coke dealers... rethinking the new years resolution
I heard an explosion in the backyard. You told me you were playing "will it burn".
Do you think you could handle being our babysitter if we roofied ourselves for fun??
We always end up having sex in random places after class. I need to stop letting this dude borrow my pens.
I lost all of my bathing suit tops.. This is both a success and a failure
Gotta get dat. Gotta get dat. Gotta get dat dat dat dat dat ~uterus contraction~
He rubbed aloe on my sunburn while I blew him... could he be anymore perfect?
idk what to be more embarrassed/confused about, that i lost my underwear or that i woke up covered in fried rice
Randomize
