I feel like if I were on Intervention, I would have to be a season finale.
No. Especially when my uncle started stripping. Too many shots. So that's where I get that from.
I just smoked pot in front of my old Elementary School. It's like my Childhood and Adulthood are coming together in this awesome thing.
I cannot take someone's straight and gay virginity in one threesome. It's just too much responsibility.
When I don't want to forget things I put them on my cigs.
C smoking isn't all bad
That's how I like my men: traumatized and crying in a ball
like i literally can feel my uterus getting frustrated at me for not being pregnant.
WHAT GOOD IS APPRECIATING IF NOBODY'S NAKED
I'm getting "congrats on your engagement" shots. I need to get engaged more often!
Just had my butthole waxed. If that changes your plans for Saturday..
I am on my way right now and I SWEAR TO GOD IF YOU EAT MY BURRITO YOU WILL NEVER SEE MY TITS AGAIN
My drug dealer is giving me a 15% veterans discount on my weed for nov 11th
That's the best thing I've heard all week.
Be quiet or buzz aldrin will come beat you up with science
Someone just said “I need to use up this money before I’m tits up under the dirt” so I think I’m going to start using that in my daily vocabulary.
Longest 30 seconds of my life
10/10 so not recommended
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