On a scale of affliction to ed hardy, how douchy is in there right now?
Granted, we were all high and wasted, but the fact that she thought we couldn't see her making out with the charles in charge lookalike bc she was holding up a pillow in front of them is a little ridiculous
Did he look more like 80s Charles in Charge or the old one that had that VH1 show? It makes a difference.
so hey instead of everyone buying me a birthday present can everyone just pitch in for my abortion?
Yeah but if I do that, I'd have to buy my own stomach pump for the house. That doesn't seem like a great thing to have sitting on the coffee table.
Never let Scott cook bacon and eggs at 2am while drunk. You should have seen the flames.
He wanted a handjob during a John Wayne movie. I just couldn't find it in my heart to disrespect that man. John Wayne that is.
3 girls crying in the bathroom at the bar. Its like a Christmas song
He came into the hospital yelling "HEY EVERYBODY! REMEMBER ME?"
There is a homeless man handing out free beer on the city bus. He has a cooler and everything. I love this trashy yet generous city.
She called all of my friends to find out where I was last night. 7 out of ten said their place.
One step ahead. Always. Roses are red, violets are blue... I'm gonna fuck you with a rake.
So hungover. Have a black eye from where I tried to brush my teeth and stabbed myself in the eye instead. Should make the performance review I was stress drinking about go so much better.
Full disclosure. I fucked the fatty from work and shit is weird now.
It's not above me to sleep with him solely for his authentic budweiser shirt
We lost a person.... if you see a man in yellow shorts and nothing else walking around let me know...
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