Me liking this guy is the best diet ever. Do I want this cookie...or do I want to get laid.
Is it socially acceptable to order two burrito bowls?
anything's socially acceptable if you do it with enough confidence
the girls im babysitting are trying to see how much jello they can swallow without chewing...their future boyfriends are lucky
I miss the days when all my weekends consisted of were 69 and crunchwraps
..She then engaged in what she called an "interpretive pole dance"
I found a fried uncrustable on the table from last night.
Holy christ fuck what has my trainwreck of a life come to just blew a 17 year old so help me god
I may have just serenaded the sadface couple sitting on a bench outside the dorm by singing Bye Bye Bye.
Carson kissed me on my cold sore before I could stop him so I think I gave my kid herpes. Mom of the year. Just call me MOTY.
Well I'm going to San Francisco next weekend for pride. I'm sure I'll end up drunk and on a beach at some point.
he was high. i was rolling face. we were both wearing grateful dead t shirts. at that point it's like we had no choice but to fuck
sometimes a perk of being a drug dealer is amazon gift cards. who knew?
Do we have to do this party tonight? I'm worried my bed will miss me...
I walked in on a circlejerk after punching that guy out. Instant karma.
Lmao. K I'll be 100% honest. I was over at your place like 12 hours ago with your roommate. If I hadn't of been there then I'd take you up on your booty call offer. So. If you're not creeped out another time please?
Randomize
