garbage
garbage dick
rubbish cock
you win
if i get an abortion, then will you go out with me?
genius alert. I just invented a contraption made of toilet paper and rubber bands that makes it so your balls don't stick to your leg when you wake up from sleeping. I call it, The Balldozer
I'm destined to be knocked up by a sailor
There isn't a single transaction on my online bank account that doesn't involve drugs or alcohol since November 12
We watched 'the mighty ducks' last night and took shots every time someone quacked. I woke up this morning wearing a nothing but a hockey jersey laying next to him on the floor. He was wearing a goalie mask. I really wish I knew what happened.
I've been here 20 minutes and some creepy old man told me he wanted to know what my insides felt like. I hate gay bars.
Balcony sex scratched the shit out of my phone. Whups.
all but 2 of were put on probation for disorderly conduct. i know, visiting a hospital when your drunk is really stupid but it seemed like such a good idea at the time
swear to god, "it seemed like a good idea at the time" is gonna be on your epitaph
Remember that time we became friends because I shotgunned a Tall Boy in your bathroom?
Those memories are both hazy and awesome.
I have fiberglass splinters all over my hands and woke up with a sign that says PUMPKINS in my room.
I'm a sociology major remember
Well that and comm
Basically you majored in how to get laid
I WOULD NEVER MIX DICK AND MCDONALDS
She woke up with her hand super glued to the fridge....how the hell am I Supposed to get her off??
If they start to date again I refuse to help her sext him. Helping my mom sext my dad is where I draw the line.
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