Vanilla vodka + chocolate soymilk does NOT equal an epic milkshake.
i wish i could just hire someone to go down on me every night until i fall asleep
i am devastated. she was DTF and I was about to puke, i told her to wait outside my room for a second. Puked. Passed out woke up, she was gone. Found puke stains on my keyboard that seem to spell out youporn....
This chick just checked into her walk of shame on Foursquare... I think I'm in love.
i have a strong feeling i fucked one of the waiters here...
The guy in the next stall screamed courtesy flush and then puked. Bless you Vegas
He wants me to have his first child. So that makes four gay men that've called dibs on my eggs.
So i am officially handcuffed to the pole on the party bus while taking jello shots.....this shall be an interesting night
They don't even know who I am but they just woke me up with maracas and invited my boobs to a kegger
I still don't like him. I'm also filled with alcohol, so I'll revisit the statement in the morning.
he said didn't have much sexual experience and then proceeded to tell me he is going to make me cum harder than my vibrator could
well, that escalated quicky
I just had to break into my old house and steal my sex tape. Good times. How have you been?
like I licked Molly off a boys palm last night at a bar I think its ok to eat chicken once a week
just realized I'll be in a check out line with just Hershey syrup and condoms. I don't know if I am setting a good image for our generation
My head is bruised from having sex in the backseat of an explorer last night.
Randomize
