fml, blew my nose and red sprinkles came out and did the splits when i sneezed
NEWSFLASH - my freind is drunk and admitted that he hates having sex with dogs. should i help him or let him be??
He also left me a wonderful voice mail..... and is now asking me where the planters peanut guy is.
You should probably go find him.
I just made this asian woman on the boardwalk that was giving 20 dollar massages upset after I asked her if a happy ending comes with it.
i just snorted my name. best moment ever
Yes. Being a lesbian's wingman is a fun as it sounds
She got a digital picture frame for her birthday. FINALLY - a place for me to sneak all those penis shots I've taken with my iPhone.
Bob the builder, bob the uilder bob the builder bbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbjbbbbbiotch!pp!!!!
Funny. I made out with his brother for the first time in a bathroom too.
And then the lady sheeps would bring me the finest grass to eat cuz im the sheep king and id have sexy smooth sheep fur
How did I end up in the pool?!
Welcome to ASU
I literally stopped banging her when my ESPN app alerted me that the Spurs had won. That's how much I hate Lebron. I would rather watch him cry in the post game interviews than get it in
I AM NOT LOSING TO SOME FICTIONAL CROSSDRESSER
I felt like I was selling my soul to satan but then I realized I already pawned it for drug money
I pretty much just wake up, masturbate at least twice, and go to the beach. #Unemployed. I do look for jobs in between all that tho.
I feel like I smell like bad decisions
Randomize
