I thought at least he would want to exchange numbers after he tried to put it in my bum
she danced around my room naked waving around the gold trojan magnum condoms singing "i have the golden ticket."
little did she know i was taping her the whole time.
Just bought lingerie with the intention of wearing it as a shirt. It's going to be that kind of weekend.
He's so young, I keep getting a mental image of him in footie pajamas. It's cute but it's wrong. Or is it?
I almost shit my pants in anger over your moral sanity.
So I hear you're taking over showing your penis responsibilities now that I'm gone?
Because I can't get laid, I'm day-drinking and hunting squirrels in the backyard. You can take the girl out of Montana...
The straight guy here is hot. He described himself as Christian grey without the money and my vagina fell out of my body
So I was thinking for Halloween I'd do Dr. Jekyll and Mr. Hyde....for my vagina.
All I remember from the concert was leaving in an RV full of middle aged people playing circle of death
My mom just added me on Facebook... She has one like and it's Will Smith
She came out of my bathroom wearing nothing but high top Converse, a leather jacket and a tongue stud. I love rock bars.
Oh my god.. Saw a commercial for Captain Morgan. Made me gag a little bit.
Vodka, MiraLAX and Gatorade are perfect for the night before a colonoscopy
This girl was in the river screaming that someone didn't love her anymore...that's when the guy in a kilt claimed her...
Randomize
