Facials are how you say "I love you" in porn star.
She was so wet my fingers were literally pruney when I got done with her
I mean I gotta puke to be skinny, wax to be hairless, and drink to be fun. Life isn't easy.
We already established this. No, he did not cum on the dog.
I just keep sniffing it hoping for an explanation.
At least she'll always have a story about the time she showed up to the emergency room drunk and covered in chocolate syrup on her birthday.
my head feels like a yellow yolk spinning in a circle at the bottom of the bowl.. i may have a concussion, love auto correct
Was I at least a good cuddler? Like at least honorable mention?
She shoved a hot dog in my pocket and started grinding on it.
Sorry you had to clean the sheets with your macro notes
Sooo a reasonable response to someone eating my lunch is to set the place on fire right?
Screaming "dámelo" at the bottle of scotch was definitely my best and worst moment of Cinco de Mayo 2015.
I'm sorry I tried to spit drugs down your throat like a baby bird last night.
am drunk, naked, and blow drying cat. need adult supervision
I need to take my iPad to the Apple store (when this is all over). Do I need to delete all my dick pics/videos or are they used to stumbling across that sort of thing?
Randomize
