Come back if u want to. I'll do some dirty shit to u mamacita.
you keep denying me to hang out, should i take a hint?
you keep asking me after midnight, should i take a hint?
You saying I have a drinkingg problem is like saying Superman has a flying problem.
dude, boobs are like the porridge in goldylocks
He's paying me $45 to clean his room and $55 if i find the oxy that he lost.
I did the crab walk everywhere because I was drunk enough that it was easier than standing up.
Just served breakfast to a bunch of hella drunk kids. They kidnapped the birthday boy for his 21st and he was wearing a disney onesy and bunny ears. They've been drinking since before dawn, why don't we have friends like that?
I feel like I'm in an ocean of eels jacking me off
Pretty sure I recall hugging our waiter from the bar last night. That also means we are NEVER going there again
You grabbed your house keys, threw them at the door and asked, "did it open?"
Nothing like a little " am I gonna shit myself " to spice up the work day
who has a one night stand on Christmas ? But he's pretty attractive so thumbs up
You called your ex, and talked to her for an hour about how you miss her, came back inside and asked the girl with the biggest tits if you could take a pic with your face in them and sent her the picture.
The cashier looked at my basket, looked at me and said "That's a lot of wine." I looked at her and said "Mother in law." She nodded approvingly.
This should be illegal
It is
I mean more illegal... I shouldn't have this
Randomize
