i permit you to call me
The shirt is mine, the pants are mine, the bra not so much
I'm drinking while my friends build sand castles, now I know how my dad used to feel
i just woke up and "where the fuck is taco bell" was in my search engine...
Remember that one time i smeared period blood on your face?
I hate you
he actually proposed, and i threw up on him...i guess 5 glasses of wine was a bad idea.
Dude I totally just watched a girl put a tampon soaked in vodka up her vag
I need new friends
I have beard burns on my inner thighs. I'd say last night went pretty well.
Its ok. I handled the situation with grace and class. lol jk i got shitfaced and fucked his roomate.
Well, I wanted to be you for Halloween but I couldn't fit seven dicks in my mouth.
My mom said she saw you at the grocery store. Said you looked like you were "headed for a Lindsay Lohan quarter life crisis of sorts"
I went to an 8am hookup in another guys sweatpants. Who is the really player here?
I am at 99 matches in less than 24 hours, I need a tinder rehab program
Man, I'm real high and googling what all my favorite figure skaters from childhood are doing now.
You'll never fully grasp an awkward walk of shame until you run into his mom while you're trying to sneak out. Then to make matters worse you have to ask her to mover car because it's blocking you in.
and I lost my effing shirt.
Randomize
