just had a super intense, drunken debate about which blink182 member is the most fuckable. i got so mad i left the room. new low.
she just made me lysol my hands in order to touch her tits.
Do you think unemployment will give me a christmas bonus?
I hate the hobo that sits outside our building
Joe or Chris?
do i even wanna kno y u kno their names?
well i came home drunk one night and Chris offered me a beer as i was coming in, it was kinda weird but i wasn't goin to deny a free beer. you're proolly talkin about Joe though, he's the one with the fucked up eye.
If only guys knew how much awkward ass shaving goes into making sex this good...
wanna get hammered and throw tomatoes at the people standing in line for the midnight showing of harry potter and yell whichcraft is evil
update: ifinallt managed t5o be in a. Horizontal position without throwing up... the snmall victories.
I miss the good ol' days when we would yell at strangers from your balcony while wearing our mexican ponchos in the middle of the day.
what ever happened to our old dealer?
I was dressed in monkey onesie serving people vodka jelly with a spoon...
He put my hand on his penis and said welcome home.
my make-up looks really good tonight. I swear it had nothing to do with me finishing all of your strawberry vodka.
Some older looking guy gave me his card as he exited the train. Hes a pharmaceutical rep. I'm debating asking him for a job. Obv he wants sex but if I can get a job out of this maybe I can offer him more than a cheap dry handjob bc that's all I'm really up for these days
Hey. Im sorry to bother you but I just watched the seinfield episode about faking an orgasm and it caused me to second guess myself. Were you satisfied?
After we banged he volunteered to ducksit while I went to work. I think that's true love.
you scattered cereal all over the floor so you could "re-trace your steps and figure out what happened." 20 min later you yelled about the mess and let the dog in to clean it up. 5 min after that you screamed since the cereal was gone. you suspected me and locked me in the bathroom so i could "think about what i'd done"
and you bit everyone who tried to let me out. no more tequila for you. EVER.
Randomize
