i would rim the shit out of meg ryan
that speech was about as successful as her performance in twilight
the last thing i remember is inserting the sippy stray into the jack daniel's.
She's the barista slut.
Ok, maybe I don't want to know what happened last night... But somehow I guess I moved the oven.
you also choked him out with your legs on the kitchen floor..
So squirting runs in the family.
How do you feel?
Like the devil himself shit me out, baked me into a pie, ate the pie, and shit me out again.
He hasn't left the hospital without a nurse's number all year. My nurses are always ugly or men. Wtf bro
Today's weekday brunch started at 2pm, and consisted of $7 of sandwich and $50 of cocktails. Also, I hustled the bartender for about $3 playing nickel poker, but he may have been letting me win. Either way, he didn't get into my pants.
After I'd been making out with her for a good 15 minutes some guy yelled "grab this chicks beer she needs both hands!" And he was right I did need both: god bless jello wrestling.
My sheer presence has sent the hipsters running in terror. I expect no problems.
my life could not get any worse. just saw my sister in a porno
Oh and he asked if I would occasionally still blow him if we had children. It was so romantic.
He was fingering me and I came so hard that I actually broke his wrist. We're at the ER now.
Randomize
