The maid of honor just puked.
I just got really nervous and swallowed all of my birth control
i was out of cigarettes so i took the butts out of the ashtray, emptied them out, and proceeded to roll one big Frankenstein cigarette.
guess you're going to miss out on a groin massage and a frosty vagina
Your ability to be a slut in your nightmare astounds me
i chased bacardi with meat sauce last night
and then he tried plucking my nose hairs. lines were crossed.
Her exstacy made her nickname everyone David. Nobody knows who the fuck she's talking to so we just say no to everything she says. She's crying.
Awkward family moment #1: walked in on my 15 yr old nephew packing a bowl. Nephew says- "lets not ruin christmas and keep this our little secret"
Can we play rock paper scissor shot again? I want to black out in 15 minutes or less...
Oh man, buzzed lunch fridays almost got out of hand.
I've started a list of places i want to drink. To go along with the list of places i want to have sex. Lincoln's log cabin is on both.
He finally left. I didn't introduce him to the roommate. The sex is bad. I don't want him to feel welcome
I think that's the first time I had "ass rimming" scroll across my phone at work
i had to flash a cab last night.
did it work?
No. he slowed down but then kept going. story of my life.
Randomize
