people and things i regret. that's what i want to do tonight.
you hand the children out the window. i'll pour the drinks.
I'm in my winter jacket and nothing else. very drunk. bring bitches.
I'm sorry to inform you but your friends with benefits card has expired has the beginning of the year. If you wish to renew your card you must submit a picture of a fully erect penis. Please note that not all request for a FWB card is accepted.
There's just something about sucking a flaccid dick that makes me feel so calm. Like a baby cow..
I always knew I'd be the first one with an STD
I think the main reason you were throwing up so much was the quart of soap you chugged trying to burp bubbles. you came close
I repeat the shot was ON FIRE. I am never going to a pirate bar again.
So maybe putting the blacklight above the futon wasn't the best idea...
Naw man, if he's crazy enough to jerk off on a public bus he's too crazy for me to fuck with
I asked to see his balls for medical purposes.
I've reached the last of the wine in my cup so now I have to sit up in my bed to get it through the crazy straw
I didn't even know we were hiding from the cops, I was just playing with the cats. People kept telling me to be quiet the cops are here and I was like DID YOU SEE THIS CAT!?
Everythings in imax form. Space oddessys are formed. Adventure at every moment and everything is epic. My mouth hass lemons. Yum.
Just got hit on by a 28-year old, quadraplegic, triple-cancer-survivor redneck. Now updating bucket list to meet newfound standards.
Randomize
