I just watched 2 blind guys walk into each other head on in providence. It pays to pregame in your car.
Do you think my parents will accept my drinking habits more if I told them I like to drink every night because I take good shits the next morning?
like stop trying to get a relationship out of this when i'm clearly in the drunken mistakes part of my life.
I said:" get your jacket, get your beer and get the fuck out of here"
Firing someone with a rhyme is the new high point in my life.
He was in Alberta for less than a week and is already banned from 6 bars. I fear for his general well-being over there.
Seriously just confirmed via our bathroom scale that a keg weighs 170lbs
Just walked into a random hotel for the free breakfast. How was your night?
Feels like someone put a cigar out where my butthole used to live
Sometimes while peeing I'll go hands free, put my arms up by my chest and make claw hands, and pretend I'm a new type of dinosaur called Dickosaurus Rex.
My hands are stained pink. I look like I fisted a muppet.
And anyway at least being paid in opium makes a cool story
Well I mean enduring a 45 minute conversation about C-sections was worth the 9 jello shots those soccer moms gave me.
It's not vacation until I get called "disgustinly sexy" by an fat woman whose older than my mother.
honestly i've never been more attracted to you than when you threw up on my floor
He just kept pissing on the couch as we were yelling at him while he repeatedly told us "its going to be okay".
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