You both must have been completely wasted because every once in a while we would hear you both stop and start singing to each other. At one point it was taylor swift.
no i do not regret standing at the wendys drive thu handing the employees mardi gra beads to get free chicken nuggets
So I'm seriously not complaining - but I just fell ass backwards into a Tuesday night threesome. Sober
The slot machines are wishing me happy birthday. Mission success.
Where are you?! I require drunk, males and possibly crying. Vomiting is optional and/or optimal as is karaoke.
If we go out with the 22/23 year olds we should make t a double date. I don't want to endure the judging looks of the public as I rob the cradle alone.
She is sending me pics of her sex faces...which totally counts as sexting in my book
Tried to figure out where I was without opening my eyes this morning for like twenty minutes. Not even close. Not even the right state.
Apparently you missed the drunkest me ever documented. I slept on the hardwood floor and left my pants on the porch to give u a frame of reference.
I couldn't do it. You can't break up after that many orgasms. It's physically impossible.
This is a mass text. I will facerape you if you bring me Fierce Melon Gatorade and 4 D batteries.
Some days you ride the struggle bus. Other days, it gets a flat, the AC breaks, and you run over a bunny.
Hey how're your balls?
Don't ever let me helicopter again.
Sunburned by dick at the nude beach. Bad. She tried to blow me. But. I. Just. Can't. Saddest day of my life.
It's starting to get sad how I have this 'new beginning' feeling after every negative pregnancy test
Randomize
