just thought you should know that she got home at about 6am.... totally wasted. she was locked out and when i finally came to the door she was on a patio across the street with some random making hotdogs on somebodys elses bbq.
i also saw a trio of peacocks walking along a sidewalk in hollywood today. i really hope im not tripping.
Come over! I've just turned Titanic into a drinking game. I drink every time I want to fuck Leonardo DiCaprio.
Is it wrong of me that I wish I could be a midget for a day so I can give head standing up?
some guy just pulled a dress out of a fax machine...I have no idea what the hell is going on
He said that if more girls show up hes not going to ask ages... Spoken like a true sex offender
She just stuck her hand down the strippers pants. Shit just got real.
Well... this vagina won't eat itself
I just puked in my non fat yogurt... But it's non fat in hopes that someone wants to eat my vagina
you're avoiding the subject, i want to know how you ended up at the strip club with the dog, fucker
I learned so much about myself in that shower.
Again? Most people check out of hotels, they don't escape from them
Guess who just bought an ounce of pot via Paypal, and paid for it with my airline Visa card to earn miles?
Congratulations. That business degree is finally worth every penny it cost you.
Then you're three pancakes deep in regret.
just so it's not awkward when you get here, you and my dog have the same name.
Hahaha nice
She never came back from the bathroom so I went to look for her... I was in my room and heard this rustling. And she was in my closet petting ties.
Randomize
