My parents took my cat for a ride in the car. Second weekend in a row. They think its fun. Dear God
the toilet has never flushed louder then when you sneak home drunk and try to avoid your parents hearing you puke.
my three year anniversary of no dick sucking is coming up. you can throw me a party with a penis cake.
So it turns out my dad calls his penis "John" which means he either named me after his penis or his penis after me
That was the gentlest I've ever been bitten in the face by a dog
Don't know how I even got in. I pulled my id out and threw it at the bouncer, and he just picked it up, checked it, and let me in.
He said I went to go sit outside and is promised I wouldn't leave he brings me a chair and I'm gone. He found me stumbling a half mile away in my socks
Whoever brought the pigeon, please come and remove it from my living room.
So like 5 seconds in I realize I knew him in 3rd grade and I went limp in his mouth. It felt like I just murdered the last unicorn ever. Going straight never felt like an option till now.
it would be a downgrade if your vagina tasted like skittles
Is this the 6 foot tall blonde I screwed in the bar last weekend?
In the bar?! Very impressive! But keep guessing!
I hope you gays don't get too crazy after DOMA. Gay divorces aren't any better than straight ones.
He literally said from now on he's always banging chicks with asthma becuas it's such an ego booster
Someone needs to lock me in a chastity belt because all my vagina does is get me into trouble. Fuck.
Amazon is not showing any promising results for penis tree toppers and I am genuinely surprised. Clearly this is a market that needs to be addressed.
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