she's leaving w me bro, I've been buying her mad shots. She's seen my apt. So locked down.
I don't know how to tell my mom that I'm not sober enough to drive to the dentist...
So yes, he's hot, a scorpio, an artist and a perfect cock. I think my bi train just arrived in gay town.
I just had to download an app to edit pictures on my new phone. The things I do for sexting...
Just been one of those weeks where alcohol out weighs friendship
They can be so fun, drunk bruises are like clues to the treasure of what actually happened last night. "why do I have a bruise on my belly button? oh right. i was trying to turn my stomach off so I would stop throwing up."
If I get over there and the april fools joke is that there's no HBO, I'm setting fire to the place.
you crashed our wine night double date and sat on the floor eating cheese talking about how big his dick is.
So I have a scar from when the stripper tore off my underwear .... Best birthday ever
He drunk dialed me at 2am asking if he could put a baby in me.
Dropping the entire last roll of TP into the toilet is a hurt you don't want to know.
Someone had written "Boxmonsterette" on the bathroom wall and I just knew you'd been here.
I don't know. What do people who don't get stoned do?
Don't forget Giraffe in your car! If we show up in the same outfit without animal heads we're just gonna look weird.
im gonna miss him. and by him, i mean his dick
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