I wish I could still say I don't know that you taste like bad ice cream.
Today in class was pretty awsome. I dont feel like i have to throw up and im actually paying attention. This is a first for friday
he thinks im joking when i say don't visit. i mean it's summer...he was the college fuck and now it's time for the summer fuck
Fell in the ditch running from the pizza guy I stole the pizza from. If you are still at my house come find me, pretty sure I need stitches.
That's terrible. At least give it a creative name like muff mobile.
I had ketchup on my elbow and a random girl goes "I got it" and licked it off, only on game day
Dude you took some guys glasses off his face and ran out of the bar
Charles Darwin would shit his pants if he saw that we managed to survive that weekend.
I heard you were drinking whiskey straight from the bottle last night.
Actually I was drinking whiskey straight from 3 bottles, but that is neither here nor there.
He ordered three small pizzas while I was giving him head.
We fucked, she finished, high fived me, the pulled a celebratory pack of gushers out of her purse for each of us. I'm going to marry your sister dude.
I got propositioned to get involved with an engaged couple. I told them I didn't think my married couple would like me to see other couples...
I was drunk and gave him my dad's phone number instead because somehow I thought that'd be funny. Man did that fucking backfire
I'm by myself. some Midwest chick is hitting on me because I gave her a deviled egg. I need the distraction.
I cannot believe all 4 of us had sex at the same time, in the same bed... And it didn't turn into a foursome..
Randomize
