At the wedding. Seated next to the bar. No way this ends well
Changed it back. Somehow I didn't think my profile pic should be me shirtless on ecstasy, ya know?
we're tailgating intramural basketball with hard drugs and tequila...and i think the players are taking shrooms
You probably don't remember this but last night I bought you a lap dance from a stripper that had nipples that looked like runny eggs....you're welcome.
you threw up into the pocket of your shirt. which was pretty damn polite
She's popping painkillers like they're tic tacs and singing the soundtrack to dreamgirls. It's you're turn to babysit her.
I just lit a candle in my room using axe and a lighter, that's how bored I am. Let's get schwasted.
Fuck that. I'm not afraid to die. I'll prove you can survive on a bagel bites and rum diet.
Question: If I got in a car accident and lost my memory of us, would you work your way back just so we could be fuck buddies again?
I'm watching The Vow and just need to know that I'm loved in some way
I'm surprised they let us keep partying at that hotel bar, that's like the 3rd time I've had to try blocking the view of him peeing off the balcony. I earn my free drinks.
Well the good news is ill probably have my new boobs by the time he sees me naked
It's 7:30pm and we've already lost someone and had to run from the cops. What the fuck did you put in the punch?
Like I fucked him in the shower at 3 am when I had classes all day the next day so he can't say I'm not dedicated
Remember how I made that resolution to remain celibate for 6 months? Well, I just broke that
You literally made that 4 hours ago...
If he isn’t into CosPlay he will be after tonight. That naughty nurse outfit heals broken hearts
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