I had sex with him, and then he gave me a $5 Starbucks gift card. Totally worth it
You were too busy being proud of your penis shaped pancakes to notice...
he started drinking at 9am with grey goose and pancakes. He IS my hero.
I'm going to pre plan my black out tonight. I think I'll set a change of clothes out on my bed and unplug the oven.
that ring i bought was worth the 6 bucks. wore it to the bar, told some girl i was recently divorced and wasnt ready to take it off. just got laid. THRICE.
I was wondering, is there any way to hook up a lawn hose to a keg?
I really like your cover photo on fb that looks cool
In case birth mom friends me back, thought I should make it less drunk looking.
On second thought, is it weird that I scheduled a surgery that determines my fertility around lingerie football night? I might have fucked up priorities.
Absolutely not. I would have done the exact same thing.
Did you cry?
I don't think so. I definitely lost my cool though
Yeah i think jesus would lose his cool in that situation
This time last year, you were undressing me from my gecko costume and getting freaky in a public bathroom. Tough to top that New Years Eve.
i need to stop meeting underage girls and letting them into the bar. i mean yea its a surefire way to get laid without having to tell them I'm 26 but i feel like as a bouncer I'm focusing on all the wrong things
Whoever decided to put a Denny's that close to the strip club is a genius.
Apparently I was drunk enough to call he police station and ask if there was a problem with me.
I woke up in the basement of a pizza restaurant... I would say the tequila hit me pretty hard.
He just seemed to happy to be having sex with me that it ruined the mood for me. I just wanted to punch him.
Randomize
