then he goes, "ok, i have to go talk to the girl i'm semi-talking to/dating and see if i'm in trouble" WHAT IS MY LIFE?!
May i just say it is extremely difficult to pee in a cape
if i found out she had a dick after i got head, does that still make me gay?
Just saw a girl i'm pretty sure is simultaneously jailbait and a milf. I never want to leave mexico.
this must be what syphilis tastes like
got into a fight with a bouncer over who's moustache is better again last night...
You need to come over. I cant get her to stop eating honey mustard straight from the squeeze bottle
Doing lines off a plate that says, "things go better with coke."
Everyone at work loved my story about sobering up in a river with no bra on.
Hypothetical Question: Would you take a cougar bullet for me?
Any day that has a special name thats capitalized means you need to need to call in sick and get day drunk. That's why they are there.
I feel like we should apologize to the light saber. We were REALLY inappropriate with it last night.
His pillow talk sucks. It was like Mr. Roger's vagina.
I couldn't read the menu. I ordered the first thing I was able to read. Don't think I ate anything. Left $20 on the table.
It's very rude to dive mouth-first into someone's crotch without knowing if their wife is cool with it.
Randomize
