Woke up with feathers in my hair. at work. still drunk. sooo awkward.
Bring it all. We will have a potluck of drugs. It will be magical.
You were hanging upside down on the subway with your feet in the stirrup handle bars. the children were amused.
in a garage, wearing a toga, theyre debating the logistics of Coke Pong. If I don't make it out of here... it was me who stole your Barbie in the 4th grade- I've never forgiven myself.
A DRUNK EMT IS BETTER THAN NO EMT!!!
You can't break up with me and ask me for a handjob on the same day. At least not in that order.
i just remember doing it on a pile of clothes while i heard the muffled sound of his friend laughing. then i realized we were in a closet.
I feel like my nipples were chewed on by alligators.
Is it wrong I want to seduce my ex to prove the point to his current gf he's an ass?
if this uncomfortable exchange we're having is you trying to flirt with me i suggest you stop it before someone gets hurt
I knew you were super hungover. But so hungover you fire our house cleaner because her vacuums too loud is excessive
11% beer and firearms, what could possibly go wrong?
My ex boyfriend just amazon primed me a vibrator...guess I seemed stressed?
Decided to stay in tonight. Completely sober. Just got two drunken booty calls within 5 minutes of each other. This is my life.
Thanks. I just smoked a bowl topless so I'm in heaven right now.
Randomize
