How is it I was the last to know everyone calls me tig ole bitties? Did y'all have a meeting about this that I wasn't invited to?
I keep calling his kid the wring name. This is not helping my cause. And by cause mean his dick
it was like lady and the tramp only with a jello shot on the pool table
After the baby comes, I'll make us White Russians with my breast milk. That will teach her about sharing.
I found someone's tooth on the stairs when I was vacuuming, and my sister found a catheter in the men's bathroom... this cleaning job is dangerous
Ive been high since the plane left the ground in Los Angeles and Ive been in Chicago. Right now, Im on a train headed towards downtown to go to an anime convention. At this point, I am just taking life as it comes, furries and all.
Nope. Too much basics going on right now. I'm tying you both up and throwing you to the vibrating sexy toy sharks. You shall either sink or get off gloriously.
Its like drunk me is Oprah except instead of a car everyone's award is seeing my boobs
Thanks for the pic It's going to be lovely dealing with my boner while I'm in a meeting with your father.
He was singing R-E-S-P-E-C-T to a stripper between motorboats while our HR manager cheered him on.
That's probably why white girls drink so much espresso. Piledriving coke and vodka crans takes a fucking toll man
That dick was not the dick of a twenty year old
he tried to have the "are we in a relationship" chat last night. I stuck my fingers in my ears, yelled lalalalalala very loudly at him and told him I would stop having sex with him if he ever tried that conversation again. bad person, or just being a realist?
I'm wearing jeans from 7th grade and drinking a fucking macchiato. This better be a good day.
At 10 PM you were shit faced in the kitchen makin nachos... Naked. I wasn't sure what to do besides walk away...
Randomize
