i think if you made a shrine it would be creepy
can we take a shower together?
no need for the romantic shit. I'm a sure thing
you know you've made it when it's your own pool table you're waking up on
he kept saying "mind over matter" as he fucked me
I just bought condoms at Big Lots. please save this text so you can laugh at me in 9 months
You called him your tasty little crouton. Which actually wasn't the weirdest part.
We'll talk about this tommorrow when I'm not mistaking my fingers for French fries....
No it was good. I serenaded the holding cell occupants with a fabulous rendition of Making Love out of Nothing at all. It was fucking amazing!
I just washed my birth control down with captain because I don't have any water and I need to wash the blood off my face before I leave my room.....
Remember when I said I had my shit together?
Fall is here I will miss walking downtown in nothing but paint and pasties
I'm really just disappointed in myself for having sex with a musical theater major
The last thing I need is a possessed urethra.
Man, it's really obvious that I was either handcuffed or tied up last night. Either way, not something you'd want coworkers knowing.
I'm going to force her to break up with me this week. Tonight I plan to shit the bed. If that doesn't work I'm not sure what's next.
If the people you’re with use the word tequila in a sentence with phrases like hair of the dog or breakfast of champions...run awsy
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