My hand turned me down
singing james blunt while drunk. tell me thats not wonderful
i may or may not be dressed up as my farmville farmer. gonna harvest some ladiesss tonight!!!
dipping my christmas cookies in kaluha. santa would be proud.
If she's telling you consent laws theres probably a reason
He offered me a 30 pack if I don't bring her to the party. Am I a bad friend If I take his offer?
I prob couldn't even get his attention if I had a dick growing out of my forehead
Apparently she buried shit in the snow back in January and now that it's melted I found a flip flop, 4 spoons, a bottle of smirnoff, and 14 different candy bars
We were in the shower and he sat down an wouldn't do anything. I'm so glad he manscapes. It made washing his balls less awkward.
Attempting to sleep without a bra since i got my nips pierced wish me luck. Also almost sent that to my coworker.
i just honestly didn't believe you when you said your brother was a fucking clown. ho shit you weren't kidding.
I really shouldn't have to tell you to stop banging your lightsaber on everything while we are in college.
I've now fucked in every motel room in this small town.
Remember that Czech tennis player I brought home from beer pong and banged on your couch last year? He just booty calle me. From the Czech Republic.
So. My mom went grocery shopping for me while I was at work & brought the food here. Cool bc my dildo was laying on the counter. Forgot I left it out. I am sure she saw. Im mortified.
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