We're hooking up, I have a toothbrush at her place, and yet on leaving her apartment a minute ago we said goodbye with a hi five. WTF?
You're upset about this?
you told me heaven would be the 3 of us at Moe's forever and every hot girl that walked in would ask us to play stone face
I have realized now that neither the top nor bottom of a bunk bed is safe for sex....
attractive or not, he has more than one book on serial killers. i'm gonna get out of here while i can
I LOVE DRINKING BOOZE OUT OF A FUCKING LAMP
You're obviously not trying hard enough. GET LAID. Kittens die for less.
Touche salesman.
She lost her glasses and we found them on the roof. Don't ask questions. Kings cup was intense last night.
We left the knife in your bed.
Tell me again your tentative move date. There are 5 Russians in my apartment on ecstasy and they are having a rave in my living room. I can't. I need to move stat
You raged at the rock climbing place for not selling beer and then just said "fuck it" and pulled out a flask.
Driving from bar to bar trying to recover all of the possessions I've drunkenly lost over the course of the past few nights. Actual nadir of my life and absolute height of shamblyness.
Props for using the word nadir
It's getting harder and harder to fake orgasms as I get older.
There's just no proper way to thank a man for that many consecutive orgasims.
I just made mac at 3:10 am... My life is falling apart...
I think I broke my dick but 10/10 would definitely do it again.
Randomize