Also my back is semi rug burned and I'm holding you fully responsible.
I would love to give you more rug burn
RAWRRRR IMA PURPLE DINO
dude i'm sitting right next to you.. stop texting me
What happened at the top of the stairs is never to be spoken of again.
Its that time of week again, Bad life decision wednesday
He came into the hospital yelling "HEY EVERYBODY! REMEMBER ME?"
This will never work out with him unless I somehow learn how to unhinge my jaw like a python.
Just had empanadas for breakfast while watching Wall-e with my yesterday's one night stand mother AND grandmother.
Well yes he stayed. He brought Guiness, them he shaved me. It's a long, but beautiful story.
Sometimes I think about the fact that I lost my virginity while watching anime and I wonder what that says about me
Also I can show up hungover, fall asleep at my desk, and smell like a bottle of whiskey, and they still like me more then my shitty co worker
LEAVE ME AND MY NIPPLES ALONE
I found your missing hash cookies. Fuck you and I'm sorry but there are only 2 left. I already had the munchies.
I think my fortune cookie is telling me I give good blowjobs.
At what point can I admit that I hate going to house parties?
I don't wanna stand in your shitty kitchen making small talk while I guard the quality booze I brought.
If everyone felt the happiness from apple crown royal we would be in a better place
Randomize
