reasons why jon gosselin is probably ur biological father: 1. ur half asian 2. hes everyones biological father 3. u wear ed hardy
sounds legit
Peed in a church parking lot last night. As if Jesus didnt hate me enough already.
it appears as though my vagina has gotten the best of me again
tolerance is too high. going on a liquor strike. ghandi style.
so its official, girls can see a boner through my snuggie.
Drunk off five beers on a Tuesday. I'm not sure which part of that statement is more sad
Oh my god, I hid a wine bottle in my boot.
BoomCity!!!
You don't have to text me that every time you have sex. I already heard you ring the gong.
You know you need to take better care of yourself when shaving reminds you of sheep shearing...
I haven't been this unsober in a long time. I feel like I am observing myself. Like I am a test subject for alcohol. I wish my brain would shut up and let me be a normal drunk.
Whoever labeled dysfunctional a bad thing obviously never saw this frinedship coming.
I offered to give him "road head" while he played GTA 5. I think he will be more optimistic about date night in the future.
you were angry and didn't have anything else to throw so you threw a breakfast burrito...?
I'm drunk. And I'm alone. Eating chicken fingers in my underwear. I'd say life is grand.
lord you gonna make me abandon my soup for tasteful catboy nudes
Randomize
