is it wrong that i woudl like to tie u down to the baby changing station using the straps provided?
Just cropdusted the office
Just had a drunken guest at my hotel threaten to "throw a fuckin fireball at my face"
He said he wanted to see my room, not my womb. It's a common mistake.
Thanks man, but unless some hot chick comes in to work with a case of beer and offers me a head job, I'm pretty much screwed for New Years
STOP TELLING PEOPLE I PEED ON YOU
An don't say it's "personal preference" cause I don't buy it. I just want to have normal cool guy balls. I don't want to be the dude that's still rocking the equivalent of the "mid 90's bowl cut" of scrotum haircuts.
it's pretty awkward texting you how much I want to suck your cock when I have my mom on speakerphone.
On my way
they asked me about my neuroscience major and I said 'the brain is the outer space of the body' and passed out. it appears my ivy league education is not going to waste
You know getting black out drunk at a cats birthday party should have been my lowest point drinking wise but some how I feel like last night was some how worse
WHY WOULD YOU SWIPE RIGHT???!!!!!
The same reason I ordered and ate almost an entire pizza last night
So there I was, eye fucking the waiter and I spilled beer all down my boobs
Dude. I keep thinking about how I let a man gum my vagina.
NOT PREGNANT HIGH FIVE!
You stole my car to go to your boyfriends. Now your parents are fucking in the next room at top volume, and I have no way to escape..thought you should know that the amount of therapy I'll be needing for this is expensive.
You're the best friend ever.
Randomize
