oh, also, we're locked out of the house and we're going to have to take shelter with the hot, poss single, dad next door. i hope this turns into a porno
these burps are starting to have way more vomit in them,
im glad we only fight about serious things like the hills and disney scene it
For using a life jacket as a pillow, I slept pretty good last night...
Im deleting that text because its a possible ncaa violation
you told that cab driver that when the 3 of us come togehter it means happiness and love
we got kicked out of McDonald's because you kept screaming THAT SHIT CRAY at the woman in front of us because she ordered a fish filet.
...that shit cray.
Come to the roof. We are drinking breakfast.
He showed up to a booty call with 2 tea bags, but no condom...
You are free to stop by. I promise to keep my penis in my leather pants
Well I mean I HAD done a pretty good job of not pooping myself through the years
If the smell of things stopped me from putting things in my mouth. I wouldn't be popular with Grindr guys.
Sorry if that was awkward, i will never call you sober ever again
I'm licking blood from my knuckles and I still haven't found my car keys..are you in town tonight?
It started with drunk jenga and ended with me simultaneously peeing and puking on his feet in the tub while he held me up. I met Tequila. I don't like her.
Randomize
