The best thing happened. Some guy was butchering Conway Twitty at karoke and the power went off in the whole bar. And someone shouted "you pissed jesus off when you messed with conway!"
I feel like I got hit by a truck made out of Jack Daniels.
We're starting "No Hesitation Fridays." The probability of this going horribly are between 100 to 125 percent
As soon as he told me I had a 'pretty laugh' I knew I'd be putting out more than I had originally planned.
no. the fact that it's halloween completely overrides the fact that it's sunday. youre going out whether im dragging your boring ass or not.
I brought his matress to the living room we're laying on it listening to rick james drinking vodka
have the fact that the early bird is danced upon by the prettiest strippers be your motivation
That's the point dumbass, I can't use my boss as a reference cause they'd have to fucking call him in prison.
the evidence from last night is not good...
what evidence?
my underwear is on inside out, and there are french fries in my hair...
SORRY BITCH CAN'T, TAKING SHOTS TO WHITNEY HOUSTON.
All I know is I want him to tie me up at least twice a week and I have an overwhelming urge to cook for him. Could this be love? I'm so confused....
I had to dust off the condom box before she came over..
I’ve cut back on drinking and now my body can’t fight off all the bad germs without the alcohol. That’s why I keep getting sick
They made the paper for stealing gnomes. I fucked a local celebrity.
He jerked off some dude with a slice of Wonder Bread.
The sports guy?
Yeah. They claimed the bread made it hetero
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