we sang an acapella version of barbara ann to his voicemail...i'm not drinking again until tuesday.
what do 4 police cars, 1 ambulence, and 2 fire truycks have in common?.... My driveway
I had to stop messing around with him for fear of laughing in his face. I swear it was a pinky finger in his pants
You know you hit rock bottom when you make out with a guy named after a cereal.
I want to say that being forced to stare at the 'no.1 boyfriend' collage behind his head ruined the sex but it just didn't.
Rain ponchos don't count as shirts at the bar. FYI.
Lazier than spoon feeding yourself popcorn and debating adult diapers so you don't have to leave the mentalist marathon on tv?
God I hope my hair dresser doesn't realize that all these hairspiration pictures are from gay porn blogs on tumblr.
I think the threesome was inevitable when she walked out in nothing but his boxers followed by him completely naked.
When someone comes out of your vagina and stomps on your dreams, you'll understand.
So to add to headbutting the microwave while waiting for my hot pockets to cook. I apparently told both bartenders earlier in the night I was going to fuck them both. I hate black out drunk me..
How is it medically possible for my urine to smell like espresso
You gave my cousin a blowjob and are facebook friends with my mom. Is there a name for this level of friendship?
i just went to hell in the tanning bed. i think god is giving me a preview of what is in store if i keep getting drunk everyday.
But really, what kind of hoe life adventure in Mexico would you do that would top me blowing a trucker?
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