I just made friends with the guy at the coffee shop in borders. And by that I mean he stared at me until I was uncomfortable and left.
to be honest..when i was little i used to think sharks can swim out of drains and eat people
i'm gonna start putting 34DD under other qualifications on my bartender applications and see if that helps
i went to a real vip club. the bathroom attendant was wiping down counters after girls wearing gucci did lines of coke on them. where did MY life go wrong
There's nothing worse than waking up naked on the beach covered in sand and a family walking by.
on the brightside, the semester can only get better from getting a dui at 8 am on the first day.
your optimism is becoming unhealthy
I jerked him off and then punched him in the face for no reason. Typical evening drinking Sailor Jerry's.
it was all good until he screamed "for fraaannnceee" on his last thrust
I JUST SAW A SIGN LANGUAGE CATFIGHT
Is it 3pm? Or am I losing my mind because it's pickled in vodka and diet coke?
New found love of volunteering, when there's free wine available at all times. Good times. And I get to to feel good about helping people.
Cooked breakfast with his mom this morning...I'm like the housewife of one night stands
dude you literally had like 30 screwdrivers, i thought you were gonna die
that explains why my vomit smells like it came from florida
I'm in the fetal position watching the little mermaid and trying not to die. When do you come home?
Does Jesus have blonde highlights? Pretty sure I saw him in a lavender shirt and Sperry's.
Randomize
