Pretty girls always come out on top. Or bottom. Whatever. Point is we come out with their boyfriends.
There is a such thing as a wonderpuss octopus. Officially my new favorite animal.
maybe i get so drunk and make stupid mistakes cuz Subconsiously im preparing for my real world debut
lets have sex before this no shave november shit gets outta hand.
my dad just referred to me and my boobs as 'the three of you'
Ok. In one sink is a hairdrier. Still plugged in. The other is filled with broken glass. What do I do?!
Nvm. Bloody hand trumps dead. Also, where is gauze.
When you get home we need to compare our schedules and set up masturbation slots. I'm scares of you walking in on me. Again.
The entire time I'm blowing him she's in the back seat lecturing me on the reasons why you're not suppose to do that while they're driving...
I'll even be awesome and bring pizza for your family, just as a "hey thanks for letting a stranger get trashed at your house" gesture.
just sex-dialed 911. that's 34 seconds of dignity i will never get back.
I can insert a female catheter, but I cannot grill a cheese.
The single life is the freaking dream dude. I'm sitting here naked, eating chocolate mousse, and watching Gilmore girls. It's wonderful
Got arrested last night. My cell mate just added me on Facebook.
I'm covered in jizz and the toll booth lady knew it
His penis is average but his stamina is amazing!!! I didn’t know I had that many orgasms in my body!!!!
Randomize
