You and i never got to the, we dont care what we look like friend-stage. you know? like not brushing your teeth stage.
sorry im really high
Yeah i mean there's 3 guys fighting over me. It would just be bitchy of me not to get with at least 1.
Well the bottom line is that I had to completely coat my testicles in Neosporin.
for halloween i should be pregnant. what is scarier than that?!
For future references, orgasms clear sinuses.
like when he blacked out and we found him in the garden eating your tomatoes off the vine
How many bratwuest were you able to fit in your mouth at one time? It's me, Hans.
He wore my sunglasses on his honeymoon..... so there's that.
I have a meeting at work in an hour, I'm so hungover going outside is NOT happening there are roads and shit I'll totally get myself killed.
I dont even care how hung over I am, and how shitty this bus ride will be. That was the best sex of my life and it's a beautiful morning.
This is what we do on Thursday nights. Spray tans, blunts and drawing pictures of cats.
Dad's already had 6 Zionist conspiracy rants and moms trying to detect any "dark energies" in my soul. You have 4 days before you return to this shit: ENJOY THEM
You know you went through something intense when you actuallu applaud yourself for not shitting your pants
The moment when you and your BFF compare frequently used emojis and realize you have similar mental disorders and a really weak alibi.
Imma go take shower so I can cleanly change into my drinking underwear.
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