so... i had sex tonight
with a midget
nicccce tits for a little person
I think men at large are the problem in most or all relationships. It's like trying to drag a three-legged retarded puppy through an obstacle course
I'll start drinking again when I know where I am
Over it. He probably jacked off to bible verses last night. I don't want that
woke up to an unread text message i sent to myself: "brreakfdast..pork and ice cream."
She started acting like she was actually a deaf person...so I went along with it and acted like her interpreter. I don't think anyone bought it.
Omg. I bid $3000 on a cave in Afghanistan on EBay last night.
I would say I am sorry for punching you last night, but I found the pictures you took on my camera and it all came rushing back.
On an unrelated note, i found out who duct taped shoelaces to my face
I'm not a horrible person, I just see what everyone chooses to politely ignore.. And occasionally say it aloud whilst deeply intoxicated.
New BDSM fun fact. When you get spanked hard enough with a flat object, you get welts. Welcome to thunderdome, bitches.
I just looked down and realized I was walking around in briefs and a ninja turtle shirt; and for a second, I thought I was 8 again... Weird...
Just told myself the phrase "You're not THAT single" while dressing myself
Why is there a mildly painful bruise on my back?
You slipped off the sink last night.
Why was I on the sink......?
;)
I hate when he takes the condom off to cum all over me. It defeats the purpose.
It’s like having a barf bag and choosing to puke in your own lap.
Randomize
