the next morning i told him i was impressed that he remembered my name. he said it wasn't that hard when "tracy
Whoever said that a man can only cum up to 8 times a day is a fucking liar...or was never on adderall
then you put baby powder on the bottom of your feet and walked to your room so "ladies would follow the footprints"
Dude with the Beatles haircut just got his pilots license and wants to take us up to do a case race mid flight. Don't tell me networking is unnecessary.
Also, I've sobered up around 5am, in Delaware. I remember making this decision, and highly regret it now.
He tried to say the picture wasn't him. Like I'd forget his curved boner.
Sometimes I seriously wonder if I could get away with vodka Sundays at work. Cuz this red bull feels naked.
I'm posted up in the bathroom at au bon pain, high as balls, experimenting with eyeshadow combinations and listening to 90s jlo. The girl in the stall next to me just plopped a big one and I laughed, hope I ruined her day
I left his apartment Bc I lost my id. Wandered 5 miles barefoot. Got lost in downtown la. My phone died so I asked for directions from a man at the gas station.. Turns out he was a bum. He led me back to the apartment AND he found my id.
It's like the whiskey god was watching over you
While the bouncer was checking my purse, he found a bag of pasta noodles in it and asked me why I put them in my purse. I said to him: "So the guy knows I can cook."
Mike showed up naked and in handcuffs. Again. Feel free to come over and laugh because I'm not helping this time.
True. So did you hook up with pasta or the ultimate warrior
Little bit of both
We just had can't-look-you-in-the-eye sex and it was still surprisingly good
My Tinder date from last night is my Uber driver for tonight's Tinder date...neither of us said a word.
Omg I got up from his bed and almost did a header into the wall because I came so many times I forgot how to walk.
Randomize
