No, I'm talking to this Chinese girl. Can't understand a word she's saying, but i think i caught the word vagina a few times.
I was just like staring at the lawn boy while singing "You Belong With Me".
I am the king of creep.
Going to pass out with da shoes on. hugging wallstreet journal from tuesday. please check me for liveliness in the morning.
I'm tangled in a fishing net down at the harbor. This has nothing to do with Captain Morgan. Bring wirecutters.
I picked a bad day to wear the catch me fuck me shoes.
Did someone catch you and fuck you?
I just did a booty-call caliber shave job in preparation for this weekend. Fuck being ladylike; I'm tryna get LAID-ylike
The problem with drugs is that there's none in this hotel
The problem with drugs is that showing my boobs only gets so much of them
Her hotness level dropped from an 8 to a 2 as soon as I walked into her place. It REEKED of cat piss and there was no litter box and NO CATS.
I was going to be upset with you on moral grounds but then i realized free chocolate was involved
masturbating on the freeway is more stressful than it sounds
How do I figure out the name of this sleeping naked guy in my bed?
So what if you don't want to be with your family. Go drink alone and watch Netflix like a normal person, don't be productive!
He responded to all of my texts prodding for dirty talk with "I will do anything you are comfortable with."\n\nChivalry is great, but being comfortable doesn't get me wet.
I'm gonna ask his dad. Weed trumps broken heart any day.
It’s official. I’ve hooked up with all three brothers now
You should go after Dad now
I should! He’s definitely middle age fuckable
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