SECOND walk of shame from the westside Hilton, SECOND foreign family w kids staring at me in my dress, glitter purse, spiky heels and booze breath. I said I was going to church. More confusion.
Yeah but if I do that, I'd have to buy my own stomach pump for the house. That doesn't seem like a great thing to have sitting on the coffee table.
Theres a truck parked on the front yard and i just want to take this opportunity to tell you now that it is not my fault.
dude. i just ate tomato soup with a funnel. we're out of spoon-straws.
so I was at the house for 3min to grab my bathing suit & tequila. You know, the go-to weekend combination
Being thankful with your family is one thing. Being thankful with your friends while getting drunk and smoking bowls while eating leftovers, priceless.
My grandmother cheats at beer pong and has been rubbing her tainted victory in my face for an hour now.
I may have made out with a tranny last night, which, if I don't get fired for everything else that happened, really makes last night epic.
He pissed on a police station. Then expected to not be arrested. Sounds accurate.
I don't think you should say "suck my dick" and then proclaim to be a messiah, of any sort.
don't judge but I think I'm gonna go fuck a dad this weekend
I'm officially disproving the fact that a hoe never gets cold bc this hoe is COLD.
idk how many shots you took between 2:39 and 3:05, but your message went from "Please text me tomorrow." to "Why you sto textom?"
you have 30 seconds to convince me not to grab this guy's crotch in front of his girlfriend
cinco de mayo stole my toenail
cinco de mayo stole my virginity.
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