I just saw the dad from "Little People Big World" at the airport. I chased him down and congratulated him for beating the DUI.
I may have told her we're dating for a handjob, Fake tits are overrated.
so remember that time i slept over and came home in the morning to realize i left my vibrator next to the faucet for parents and brothers to see? this is worse
ask me if i forgot to go to a midterm today
What the hell did I do to get youtube to recommend a video for me called "how to increase your chances of getting pregnant"?
His appology was" look at it this way, at least you'll give better head without those teeth.'
Apparently I grabbed her ponytail and cut it with an exacto knife.
We're looking for the removeable roof from her Miata. Winner gets a 40.
Well, I found the missing blow... in my fucking suitcase... THIS MORNING. Yeah, I flew from FL to NY with blow in my suitcase yesterday.
I told you to check, dude
Yeah, AFTER I checked my bag and I was already sitting on a plane. Oh well. I figured worst case I'd do like 15 hours in county and I was totally prepared for that anyways. I always prepare for that when we hang out.
there's a drunk hobo under the bridge wearing a jester hat and screaming at women
They're fighting and it sounds intense. Cross your fingers for their demise
Toss in some raw meat and play heavy metal music. It will insight violence.
who orders an old fashioned in 2014? even my Grandparents think you're an asshole.
I was really surprised he asked for my number the next morning..... and my name.
We were dancing and then he pointed to the club floor and there was money that I dropped everywhere. That was the nicest thing someone has ever done for me.
Just realized that my booty calls are vastly ranging in penis sizes.
Randomize
