i have yet to find a random guy that would make me want to do any position besides missionary, these are what normal people call "applying standards"
Haha so you are never gonna want to meet my mom now...she just found your thong in her front seat
this morning i realized i came home with more condoms then i left. burn.
If a Romanian girl's marriage isn't considered legal in the US then she's fair game right?
Where are you and why am I suddenly responsible for your taquitos?
he needs to hurry and make his mind up... i mean i can't keep getting peed on by a guy who isn't even my boyfriend
If you spent as much time trying to get laid as you do masturbating you would surpass all of us.
I swear to God, if you drunkenly correct my grammar one more time, I'm cutting you off.
it would be so handy to have a fax machine attached to my body
I wish I could understand how you function in society
When exactly does a bender just become a lifestyle?
I don't know how Dave is alive, I feel like he's been drinking since I met him.
Do you know why I woke up with a half peeled lemon in my purse with a post-it that said "eat me" on it?
If the sex wasn't incredible why would I compare it to cheesy tots
On a scale of 1 to alcoholic in withdrawal how ready will you be to start drinking as soon as you arrive on campus?
Everything is fine, it's not hung over in here at all\n\n*Narrator* *but in fact everything was not fine*
Randomize
