the shit that comes out of a woman's mouth when she knows you can't hit her is fucking unbelieveable
I feel compelled to tell you that I woke up this morning and found an entire corn on the cob in my purse. Ive decided not to question my drunken behavior anymore, and to just accept it as my lifestyle.
You opened a bottle of wine with a shoe and a wall last night.
Just gave some kid head in the library. Perfect way to end the semester.
i told him i should keep a toothbrush at his house for after all the times i threw up there. he said yes but i wasnt getting a key to the apt
Drinking Hot Toddies on the Porch and blasting bob dylans "hurricane" bring it on sandy!
God I miss you. I want to fuck your face... Then do all the girly cuddly shit too.
Wearing the same clothes for three days in a row and eating an entire two pound bag of jelly beans really has a way of making a person rethink their life...
When I watch porn and jerk off like 95% of the time Iron Chef is on in the background...
Realizing life ain't all about burritos and strippers, it's a struggle out there, and it ain't looking pretty so far,..
I hope I don't have to wait for another triple crown winner to get laid again.
The whole time you were apparently enduring your pukescapades, I was singing very loudly in the car to Beyonce on my way to get a post-coitus Diet Coke.
Only real friends lend their restraints to engagedfriends to fool around with married strangers.
This drunk girl kept yelling for water so I dipped a cup in the toilet and gave it to her. She was thanking me all night.
My makeup bag looks like it has lips and wants to sing to me... Too high?
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