Omg. Never. Take a laxative the day you are going on. A date.
just had an encounter with drunk people from out of state at dairy queen. they wanted to stay till march to see the high school play.
you can't exactly throw up or pass out at the pentagon so i had to pull my shit together
He puked at the bar then immediately procceded to slip in it, they loaded him up into a wheelchair, then the staff and myself walked him outside, all the while never having to pay for our tab. SO using this strategy again
i think i was tempted to text while we were making out. like i remember holding my phone up behind his head and just staring at it.
I was officially considered the drunkest person in cuba when the bartender at the swim up bar made me wear a life jacket for 'safety purposes'
I am downstairs in the bar now having a beer...actually I ordered two beers and placed one across from me in front of an open chair. I did this for appearance sake, so nobody knew I was double fisting all alone. I'm getting hungry now. I'm thinking of ordering two meals just to keep appearances up.
FONT CPME TO THE TRUK. I REPATE SONT COME TO THE TRUCK WERE GETTON FRAEKY
Okay I take that back some girl just said pussy sweat. Get me outta here
It sounded like he said "don't stop" but all I could hear were his balls.
I just gave an orange Froot Loop the finger for falling on the floor instead of my mouth when I was pouring a mini box of cereal into my face.
I guess I'm open to more types of dick now
Of course the sales lady was judging you, you bought a pregnancy test, ky jelly, diet pills and a 6 pack of red bull. Even i'm judging you.
Hey mike is locked out, sleeping on the common room couch, no idea where his pants are nor does he know where he is. When you get this let him in? And let me know ur alive too!
My vagina likes him more than I do, but I’m going to follow her lead and see what happens
Randomize