I wish my penis had an off switch
My roommate has every episode of Full House. I'm going to fail my midterm tomorrow.
hey dont come home for a while, moms drunk and is telling the story of 'how she met dad at that orgy' again
I thought about farting is his face when he was going down on me last nite.
It was like getting head from an anaconda
I came so hard just now that I think I may have regenerated.
I just spend twenty minutes scrubing the "Happy Birthday" off of my vagina. He's never gonna forget this.
Yes stubble LOOKS hot but factor in his shitty bj skills and I might as well have jacked off with apricot scrub
my boss just accepted "because it's 4/20" as a legitimate reason to take Friday off
WAKE UP!!! We have 20 minutes to get to class. That means we only have 10 minutes to get drunk.
I wound up gambling on giant connect four with the bartender. I think he saw my boobs.
Nope. Turns put my desperate group message for sex didn't work out.
Well you sent it to two guys who were roommates.
They could have rock paper scissored for it. My vagina = the prize.
You know you're a heffer when you discover chocolate frosting on your smoking apparatus
you were acting out moves from the wwe, in a dress. then you sceamed "you can't see me" and ran out of the apt.
THEY WILL NOT STOP FLINGING CARDS AROUND THE ROOM! It has been four hours. HOW CAN IT STILL BE ENTERTAINING?!?! I will be under the table if you need me.
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