peeing is so easy when youre drunk. you just tell your body to pee and it pees.
I'm currently witnessing my drunk neighbor attempting to fold laundry on his front lawn. I think he's trying to spell out HELP.
found scuba porn. totally not sexy. life continues to disappoint.
can you go into shock from having too many orgasms? i think i went into shock.
you should be careful. everyone knows your chances of pregnancy increase by 100 percent when youre the daughter of a religious figure
My vagina is not really on board with my "emotional issues"
we went from five shot glasses to three in one night. we lost 'badass' and gumbi, but the ninja turtle survived. courtney says to avoid any more casualties we're not allowed to use shot glasses past 1am. and we're not allowed to throw them
I don't remember where I was but I remembered that I hated everyone there
How frowned upon is it to take your vibrator into the tanning bed...because Operation: dripping wet is in full swing and I have a busy schedule
Lots of tissues. Maybe pizza. Only time will tell. The stages of political grief.
Too much dab too little lung dying 😵😵😵
everytime he speaks i want to fuck him less. i just wanna tell him to shut up and take his pants off and we could both be happy.
I took advantage of the fact that my mentee had to go to the bathroom to throw up in the other stall. I'm going to hell for being hungover at an elementary school.
Whose the chick running for dorm president promising bigger dicks and softer toilet paper? That’s who I m voting for
I was singing Colors of the Wind and swigging vodka and still felt like more of an adult.
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