he wasnt into me til he saw how good i was at ms pacman. wtf why does this always happen? when she kisses pacman it was a little awkward, so i made my move. i went for more than one kind of banana last night!
Words of Wisdom: ordering a pitcher of whiskey cokes, putting a straw in it, and calling it your drink is not socially acceptable
You tired to make Beefaroni in the Mr. Coffee machine.
I ishhh haha are u coming nack easyer?
the fact that I know you're asking me if I'm coming home for easter makes me believe I speak fluent vodka.
if you lined all their dicks up next to eachother, it would be like at&t bars
Its official. 'Jingle Bell Rock' gives me a boner. Thank you Lindsay Lohan & Rachel McAdams.
Your penis has nothing to do with my throat infection, sorry...
I was out with the drag queens until 7am. This is the hangover I needed to kick my ass back to sobriety. Dear Virgin Mary, fuck my life.
We'll talk about this tommorrow when I'm not mistaking my fingers for French fries....
Coming to you live from the floor of my office..
Def something wrong w taking plan b with your daughters juice box
I finally fell asleep and like an hour later he wakes me up and says "I've always to be woken up w a blowjob." Um, that's not how it works asshole.
As he was cumming he yelled "Yahtzee" then said im free to go. Thats my one night stand
I wanted to say, you're welcome for your orgasms, thanks for not returning the favor, Needledick
he’s basically the devil with a fuck boy hair cut and chlamydia
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