Last-second stop at the drug store for lube and condoms. Clerk said "So uhmmm...that's a done deal, huh?"
High five!
we should go somewhere reaaaaaal shady
I feel like your standards for women is like rent-a-centers standards for credit.
apparently red wine has the total opposite effect that whiskey does on his dick
It's like I paid NJ Transit $33 to suck his dick and go home. Fuck that.
I don't know what he sees in her. All I see are horrible pancake nipples
She kept saying the tortilla understood her. I honestly don't know where she found a tortilla at the pool.
She set fire to my carpet trying to power-dry puke covered cigs with Josh's blowtorch. How she found it in the garage is beyond me but if you bring her with you again I'll shoot you myself.
i don't know what part of 'duct tape bikini waxes' seemed even a little okay in our drunk minds, but i'm never drinking with your sister again
For future reference. Do not congratulate the bar tender at oscars she is not pregnant she has just gotten fat u will get a shot thrown in your face
Then he unzipped his pants and whispers, " oohhh, look out!"
There's a girl passed out on the sidewalk at the parade. Its not even 10am. She gave candy to children saying it was ketchup. Still think I have a problem?
what happened to you last night?
I dunno man, i pissed in a urinal, sent you a picture of my vagina and woke up with 25 bar stamps on my arms.. you tell me
We were making eye contact while i was throwing up.
He's a waste of a perfectly good penis.
Randomize
