one might say we're banned from that church
a queef is a wish your heart makes.
he sat in the bathtub shirtless yelling in gibberish for 40 minutes. funniest. stoner. ever.
The bartender let me pay my bar tab with my itunes giftcards.
i'm sorry i gave your brother a handjob while you were on the blanket next to us, but to be fair your back was turned.
WHERE ARE MY FUCKING EYEBROWS?!
We are going to get clementines. And shoot them out of a ballon launcher. That's after we come up to the ivy with a bullhorn and reck havoc. Where are you.
If I should ask "why am I still single?" could someone please remind me of shooting mike and ikes out of my nose at the bartender last Saturday. many thanks
I spent the whole weekend building houses out of popsicle sticks for my bowls. How was your weekend?
I don't even see the point of going over to his place dressed anymore.
I hope you fall on your chin.
Jealousy makes you ugly.
He left npr on the whole time when we were doing it. ironic that i lost it on the 100th anniversary of the titanic. thanks michelle norris.
If a cougar buys you pizza and wants to show you her newly-won house, you have sex with her. It's the law. Just being all the man I can be dude
I'm sorry that throwing up fish and Jamaican Rum in the back of your dad's car ruined our friendship
I'm going to become fluent in fucking Belgian boys
I promised to leave my panties on but I didn't promise to not have sex
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