Did you REALLY have to twitter about our sex last night?
saw him outside... he got fatter, i got blonder. the winner is obvious.
Sandra Bullock looks like the most recent Michael Jackson
Dude.. I don’t care how hairy she is, you already left me at the bar, and now I have to find another fucking way home... NOW BE A MAN ABOUT IT!
Its like a 4.5 hour drive but there's drinking involved so I'm destined to go
im drinking italian dressing and watching dexter. its 230am. lets never drink on sundays again.
It looks like the misc $300 credit card fraud might have been our taxi cab driver who wouldn't take boobs as payment. No wonder...
Text me when you wake up so I know you're ok. It's really worrisome to get home at this hour and find 3 men passed out in my room but no you. Love you, goodnight. :-)
So much beer in the passenger seat the seatbelt light is blinking
Why would I send you a picture of it when I could just steal the gnome and put it in your bed with you? Admit it, he looks just like gnomeo!
You ninja crawled over five sleeping guys to get in my room at 6 in the morning to wake me up for sex
...and I think that may just be my favorite moment in our fuckbuddyship
This is what we get for finishing a whole box of Franzia by ourselves
All I did was call him a fucker when he took my pot. He didn't have to arrest me.
Fuck I think I want to but I don't think I should. Caught between should and wanting.
just follow your vagina
Quote of the day.
I was told I was gorgeous and a whore by the drag queens. My night is complete.
Randomize
