Skip Greektown and come to Geektown. I just want to cuddle.
Don't forget I'm 20 now
I liked you more when you were 19
I seriously love my fucking boobs. They are so boobs.
I look like a sausage in jean shorts, you should have woken up earlier and approved my outfit.
she broke up with me and one of her excuses was constant soreness... should I be sad or proud?
The fact that he is from Canada is way more embarrassing than the fact that you met him on match.com
We can't bring brittanys dog so we are getting high and getting in my bathtub I think it's pretty safe
Don't upload the drink o meter to your google calendar. Somehow binge drinking looks even worse with a time stamp.
I ate cinnamon toast crunch. I'm officially out of the puke zone. Blackout drunk Friday. WHAT IS GOOD.
I'm okay. We got a prayer rug sent to us with the face of jesus on it. From Tulsa Oklahoma. Kinda weird.
Last time he went to Europe, every time he started drinking he would wake up in a different country with no memory. There is no way he can be tour leader.
You're about to makeout with my vagina, I don't think she cares that you haven't brushed your teeth. Just get over here!
Now that mom and dad sold the camper, do you think it's okay to talk about all the sex I had in it?
Make sure you plan your visit for October. That's ACL festival, it's like every Bro in the country converges on Austin. My vagina wants to go hunting.
When my parents ask, do you think "he was the cop I gave head to in order to get out of a speeding ticket" will suffice as to how we met?
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