is it sad that pink shorts and cowboy hats remind me of getting jizz in the hair?
after a month anything with tits is on the radar
I can handle NPR. I speak hippie. I took it in college.
Just got a message from a guy on a dating site who says he helped me remove lime pulp from my eye in a club toilet 2 weeks ago.
I have pictures of you taking tequila shots off the front of the police car when the cop wasn't looking.
Plus my stomach has been speaking through my ass all day sending notes saying "fuck you" and "this is from your liver" or "i will kill you."
So, I'm stoned at his house petting the neighbors cat I made him steal.
You're a fucking train wreck.
She dresses cool and she's mean. And she has fake boobs I feel like I can relate to her on so many levels.
So the contents found in my winter coats this year: coat 1, condom and 10$. Coat 2, condom and 75$ check. Coat 3, 2.05$ and a sunflower seed.
Obviously coat 3 had the best time since you used the condom and all of the money
When we were having sex last night, I told him I would replace him with tacos
He also reminds me slightly of a pirate which i find strangely attractive
That was the first time I ever heard of a female getting road head while driving... thanks for the memory and making me happy ending..
No, I barely made it home last nite. Kept telling cab driver I live across the street from Susan Sarandon?? Thank god her coop addy is posted online.
Seriously my new passion in life is the girth of his penis
I know you think you’re ready to graduate but just keep these things in mind: taxes, I get up at 5 AM every morning, I have to buy vegetables when I go grocery shopping, and I can’t wear sweat pants to work. Take that victory lap and enjoy the sweat pants and bar hopping because it goes downhill real quick.
Randomize
