Hey man sorry I got all grabby
at 4 in the morning i heated a family sized mac n cheese for a minute and decided to eat it frozen cuz I didn't wanna wait for that long
She said "You blew my mind last night." and I said "nah, I just blew my load." and her mom heard.
someone, somewhere in austin has to have a muppet
I like daylight savings. I don't care if it's 4 oclock it's not daydrinking if it's dark out
seek help.
there's nothing like watching the sun rise at the library alone on a friday morning to make you want to kill yourself.
Last night I ate parmesan cheese straight out of the container while watching Chelsea Lately. Look at what happens to me when you leave.
better to have posed nude and lost than to never have posed nude at all...thats what i always say
I changed the background on my phone to a picture of you so whenever I go to look at porn or text another girl I'll have second thoughts
Am I supposed to find that romantic?
This is the most scared i've been of my hands since i did shrooms.
I asked if he wants to help me spring forward at 2am on Sunday. He seems down.
I just learned my tits were fire resistant. I should join the freakin circus
The extent of "getting it in" was this creepy guy sticking his finger in my bellybutton
HOW CAN YOU EXPECT ME TO KEEP YOUR SECRETS IF YOU KEEP ON TELLING ME THEM.
I think you might be the first man ever to describe getting a blowjob as "neat"
Randomize
