oh my god, i just wanna eat cake off your dick
Part in the USA is on your top 25 most played on iTunes. you have NO RIGHT to judge me.
you called me at 4 am to tell me you found the cracker barrel location where we'll have lunch next week
just saw a girl with a lower back tattoo of the boondock saints prayer.. i will marry her
she keeps a pillow, blanket, and a pack of saltines under the bathroom sink, for "rough nights".
I sat in the mc D drive thru and refused to move till the chick gave me her number
There's a mirror laying face down next to me. A looooong full body mirror. By the looks of it it fell off the wall last night and was within centimeters of shattering on my head. Awesome.
Not going out tonight. And so the 25 day drinking streak ends....
Someone apparently named 'eleaw' just text me asking if I had fun last night.
i was gonna do a lot worse than just throw cat food on you while you were passed out, but then you sleep vomited and i felt a little bad
He wouldn't give me a cup of water for my bong so i sat in the drive thru to run up the timer until he gave it to me.
That's not a funny feeling. That's hepatitis. You got it from that bar where everything was sticky.
Head-banging is a very stupid way to injur yourself. But this opinion is also coming from somebody who can't walk right because they cut their asshole shaving last night, so it probably has little to no merit.
I'm not a whore anymore. I gave up 90% of my women for you. I'm a 4-5 woman kind of guy now.
Oh man I knew I took that Molly too soon, talkin to some Scottish people lol but don’t like rollin in pizza restaurants.
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