Apparently throwing up on his dick didnt convince him to stay away . . . whats the most indirect way of saying "im just going to continue avoiding you"?
he wouldnt have sex with me because his guild had a misson on world of warcraft.
I ran out of diet so I'm mixing captain with a juice box. Being a mom has finally paid off.
according to the contents of this bucket, last night i swallowed a whole teabag
was it good sex?
i mean it was good for how drunk we were. and for how big the closet was
omg he fucking fingered me this morning. and i was just like this is the most awkward alarm clock ive ever had
I vaguely remember walking down the highstreet with a plate of K offering lines to passers buy. I sold a line to a taxi driver.
I hope I take a shit on your face in your dreams tonight.
Yeah dude. Pulled out the couch and a bird flew at me. Please tell me who put a bird in my house.
Your shoe was in the washing machine. I have it in my pocket. My phone rang before and I answered your shoe. Meet me at the bar in 10.
I guess I can check "drink alone in the dark" off my bucket list
Hypothetically, I throw a party and my ex-boyfriend and my current fuck buddy are in the same house... what should I do?
How many beds are in the house? Hypothetically...
The car smells like weed is an understatement.
I'm keeping him.
Sex was good?
I had to tap out three times. There aren't words for how much better than "good" that is.
I just realized I'm not wearing clothes. I think my pants may be in the kitchen but I have no idea where my shirt is. I'm kinda worried.
Randomize
